Where do you stand on people who hook up with someone already in a relationship?

*Topic*
You may have heard of relationships or situations where there is “another man/woman.”

Yes – it’s called cheating and it happens A LOT!

But this week, we’re not going to focus on the person cheating or the person they’re cheating on – let’s focus on the “other man/other woman.” Particularly, let’s talk about the men/women who hook up with someone KNOWING that the person has a boyfriend/girlfriend.

There are several reasons WHY this may happen – including but not limited to:
o The person may not be happy with his/her relationship and the “other man/woman” makes them happier.
o The “other man/woman” may have feelings and urges that they can not control.
o The “other man/woman” may enjoy the “challenge” of breaking up a relationship in which he/she obviously does not approve.

Whatever the case – is it a RIGHT thing to do?

*Question*
“Is it okay to hook up with someone and it’s obvious that they have a bf/gf”

*5 Questions to consider*
“Would it matter if the person is having problems with his/her bf/gf?”
“What if he/she told you up front?”
“Would you continue to hook up with someone if you found out that they had a bf/gf AFTER the fact?”
“Would you keep the bf/gf’s feelings to mind?”
“Are you okay with being the “other man/other woman?”

Here's Where I Stand...
Okay -- first off, I think this is a touchy subject -- because I believe that many people have KNOWINGLY been the other person.

Do I think it is okay? I'd hate to say it -- but I'm going to go with NO

It is not fair to the person indirectly affected (i.e. the boyfriend/girlfriend), regardless of the problems he/she was having in the relationship. I think that is most wrong when people do it out of spite, or "just because." These are the people who are comfortable with being the "other man/woman."

Now that I think about it -- if anyone hooks up with someone KNOWING that he/she has a bf/gf, then he/she IS comfortable being the other man/woman -- point blank.

Let's not even talk about the possibilities of STDs or whatever complications that may occur by people sharing more than one partner. If someone is comfortable being the "other man/woman," it may be safe to assume that they are playing the field elsewhere. I just think it's dirty.

Still...
Love is love -- and people WILL do what they want, BUT there is no reason why a person should CONTINUE to stay in a relationship if he/she has feelings for someone else. It's always better just to leave than to cheat.

Where do you stand?

Reader's Responses
1) I personally am too much of a firm believer in karma to ever hook up with someone in a relationship. I can understand being attracted to someone, but at the end of the day it all has to do with respect for other people's feelings and having self-restraint.

2) While i partially understand someone having the mentality of believing "if you aren't married technically you're still single and fair game" or "he says shes a bad girlfriend/she's so emotionally unstable and she can't handle it if i break things off etc," and allowing those excuses to excuse her (or his) actions, there are other things that should be taken into consideration.

3) It's easier to respect someone who realizes they are in a bad situation and gets out of it the most honorable way possible as opposed to someone who just wants to have their cake and eat it too.

4) I've been that other person and felt a little guilty and never did it again. And karma did come back to bite me in the ass, but it's cool. He was a loser. So the answer is it's never okay. Shit happens, but people if you're in a relationship and creepin', just let it go. It'll be the best thing to do in the end.

5) I see shows all the time, like Maury, where the spouse get upset with the "other man/woman" but really, I wouldn't waste my breath on her or him, because while they were a participant, it was YOUR spouse/significant that cheated and allowed it to happen, YOUR said spouse/significant should show restraint regardless if the other person doesn't. So it's mainly you spouse's or significant's fault.

6) I think if people took a minute to place themselves in other people's shoes and consider how they would feel if they were being cheated on, or even how they felt WHEN they were cheated on, then maybe people would be able to recognize that it's the wrong thing to do.

7) All the replies seem to be from people who claim they "would never" and are appauled by the thought.....oh bull....do you really think we believe that? Not only that, this is an actual occurance, so where are the people who will admit guilt? People are often not who they present themselves to be. Some people are dishonest. Some people cheat. Some people intentionally cheat as the other women or man. I would like to know what their motivations are. People do make mistakes and can grow and learn from them. I never said there was anything wrong with discipline.

8) Is it really that wrong?? What if they're not stealing, they're just borrowing?? Lol. But seriously, I don't think it's wrong. Dating isn't marriage. Dating is a trial period. There are no ties and rules except the ones ya'll set out for your relationship. So if your man/woman is stepping out with someone else... wouldn't rather know that now as opposed to later... Why should the other woman/man care about your relationship?

9) As far as karma, I'm not worried about it. I've done enough plotting on other female's men, that I know when they're plotting on mine. If he's willing to go for the bait, he's not the one for me.

10) I hooked up with someone's man Saturday! HA. and the girl he's with did the SAME thing to me when me and him were together. Yea I know they are together. But it was JUST sex. That doesn't make it RIGHT! But quite honestly I'm not thinkin bout her! She's not family OR a friend. That's HIS relationship and responsibility to be faithful, not mine. And I'm NOT the other woman....cause it aint even on that level!

All these and more in the comments section.

Readers Wanna Know: Cheating; is it in our genes?

Today’s topic comes from A. Warren, one of my top idea contributors.

She found a recent study which states, cheating is in a man’s genes.(Look it up, there are some stories out there). She doesn’t agree, but she wants to know where people stand on this issue. Do you agree that cheating is in a man’s genes? Everybody cheats -- so would it be the same for women?

Before I let you know where I stand, I’ll let you read the note for yourself:

A. Warren says:
“According to recent studies, it would appear that men cheat because it's...well, it's in their genes, as if men don't come up with enough excuses to be DOGS!!! When I received wind of this news I had to find out what other women, or men for that matter thought about the issue. So, feel free to leave your honest thoughts and opinions! And just to get the ball rollin, I'll be the first to offer my opinion!

I personally believe that EVERY man has some DOG in him! Yes they do! And some women, but mostly men. Now, it's up to you as to at you want to do with that DOG; you can A) Unleash it or B) Put the DOG to sleep! Most men just choose to unleash it! Please don't get me wrong; I am in no way, shape, or form sayin that ALL MEN ARE DOGS!!! I know that there are about 10 good ones out there SOMEWHERE!! The question at hand is, "is it in their genes or not?" NO!! Men cheat because they WANT to, or because they just refuse to maintain some self control and keep their little thang in their pants! Cheatin isn't something that you can't control it like tourettes or mental retardation. If we're goin to be so bold as to say that cheating is in their genes then so is LYING!! And as I stated before, women cheat JUST like men do, so can we do a study to prove that cheating is in womens' genes as well as men?!

That's my two cents and a couple of dollars as well! Please offer your pennies, nickles, dimes, or Andrew Jackson's for that matter! I'm quite eager to hear other's thoughts! Don't be shy!”

*Feel free to contact A. Warren directly at her MySpace page, linked at the top.

Here's Where I Stand...

I find it funny how women say "MOST men this" or "MOST men that". Not saying that this is NOT true, but it's very easy to generalize something based on a few personal experiences.

Statistics always have a margin of error --- It's a possibility that most men interviewed in the survey have cheated before, but there could have ALSO been the possibility that the majority of men interviewed did NOT cheat before. Results will ALWAYS vary.

On the topic, I agree with you -- cheating, just like being honest or lying, is a decision that everyone has to make. Saying that cheating is in the genes, is like saying stealing, fighting or grocery shopping is in the genes lol. It's pretty simple -- You can't fight your feelings, but you CAN fight your actions. By that -- the desire to cheat is one thing, but the actual action is totally a decision that someone has made.

Still...

The proof is right there in the pudding (and other studies). Maybe it's true that our genetic makeup contributes to the weakness of our self control.

Where do you stand?

Readers Responses

1. “Sometimes it seems as if it got a mind of its own ”
2. “Well I like to hope that cheating is not in a man's DNA. However, it is hard for me to think like that at times when almost every relationship I have been in has ended up with the same conclusion. Me being extremely loyal and faithful and the man doing whatever he likes.”
3. “I wish men would stop saying that to give them clearance to cheat and women need to stop saying it to excuse the men who cheat. God gave man free will. Cheating is a choice that some make.”
4. “I believe all women and men have those thoughts of cheating. Some act on them, some don't depending on the type of person they are."
5. “I remember reading that men are more liable to cheat simply because their ultimate goal is to spread their seed.”
6. “Science suggests it may be inherited in a male as a result of some primordial instinct but men can be rational human beings. It’s as simple as controlling an urge. Sure, a married woman can look at a man and think "Oh, he's gorgeous" but has sense enough to control her feelings. The same can be applied to a man. There is no excuse. Adults know better.”
7. “It runs in my family!!! Lmao”
8. “There are cultural factors that should be taken into consideration when having this discussion. The standards our society holds for men need to be higher; maybe then the behavior will change.”
9. “It’s just a matter of how you were raised or influenced. Some men were encouraged to cheat as they were growing up and some have different reason but it’s not part of genes, but more of are environment.”
10. “It starts and ends with a personal choice. A spin on it - also nobody can force you into cheating. No matter what another person does, if you can't handle it LEAVE don't cheat

P.S. Please be sure to contact me if you have any videos/photos/songs/ideas/situations that you would like me to cover!