*Topic*
I’ve been having a few conversations lately, and I’ve come to the conclusion that “long distance” is a valid reason not to get into a relationship.
Why? Because after a while, trust issues start to form, people start to lead separate lives and it just goes down hill from there.
People say only the strongest of love can survive long distance relationships, but even a relationship that lasts for years can be torn apart in a second.
I may be biased based on a past “relationship,” but I feel that I’m not the only one who believes that long distance relationships are NOT the way to go. Am I?
*Question*
“Is long distance a valid reason NOT to get into a relationship – or is it just another excuse?”
*5 Questions to consider*
“What is your level of trust in your bf/gf?”
“How often would be an acceptable time to see each other?”
“Are you more of a physical or an emotional person?”
“Do you think girls are more willing to have a long distance relationship than guys?”
“Has it worked for you in the past?”
Here’s Where I Stand…
I honestly believe that long distances relationships will not work based on all the issues that can arise.
Trust – as in ALL relationships – must be 110% when dealing with long distance relationships and if there is any room for doubt then it will never last.
Depending on the distance between a couple, the amount of times they can see each other also plays a big part. If you are a person who craves a lot of physical or emotional attention – then a long distance relationship is definitely a no-go!
From previous conversations, it seems like girls are more willing to give long distance relationships a chance, but are also the ones most hurt.
Still…
I believe the only way a long distance relationship COULD work, is if a foundation was set prior to the relationship becoming long distance. By foundation, I’m not talking about 2-3 months – I’m talking about 2-3 years.
There must also be an understanding that the couple intends to move closer together in the near future. It makes no sense to STAY long distance if you really want to maintain a long and healthy relationship.
They also say: If you REALLY want to make something work – you will.
Okay – I’ve done my part.
Readers' Responses:
1) "Depends on how much the person wants you and the maturity level. and of course ... financial stability is a plus."
2) "I think everyone should try it at least once. It's the ultimate test. But if you're an attention whore, a nympho, have major insecurities, clingy, immature, jealous or if you have extreme trust issues i do not recommend the long distance relationship for you.."
3) "Only way I think it will work is if you already have a strong relationship that was started before the distance became a factor. But to start off with any distance between you is a tough job to do."
4) "YES IT IS! Having strong feelings for someone you can't physically hold or be intimate (not sexual) with for months on end is torture."
5) "It depends on a few things:
1. Prayer
2. Determination
3. Communication
4. Money
5. Love, Trust, Honor
if you lack any of those.. a relationship near or far is NOT for you."
6) "I actually disagree with the notion of it only working if the relationship was strong BEFORE the distance... i think it's the opposite. If you start with long distances you get accustomed to them and you will develop a routine that works for both of you... it's when you're not used to the distance when things can go wrong because you're so used to being able to see each other at any whim"
7) "It's possible bc 'distance never sepreate two hearts that really care"
8) " If you cant honestly say you can be there for a person when they most need it, then whats the point."
9) "The best part of a long distance relationship is that when (yes WHEN) it's over, you don't have to dread the possibility of running into the recent ex everywhere. lol."
10) "I was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for about the first year we were together & it is was the best decision i made! if it is meant to be, it will be:)"
All these and more in the comments section!
The Open Relationship
2 years ago
25 comments:
I'm sure you are right about them not working...but gosh I'd like them to! lol
no. if you want someone u WILL make something happen. i had folks to tell me they couldn't do it. then i met someone who said no matter where you are.. you're only a flight away. depends on how much the person wants you and the maturity level. and of course ... financial stability is a plus.
Hi TH! Great to meet you this weekend. As a person that was in a long distance relationship for 2 years and eventually married the person, I agree with Genese. If you really want it, then you will make it work. Plus, you have to have the funds for gas money and plane tickets.
I think it depends on the amount of time apart
YES it's a Valid Reason not to get into a relationship. Don't to it to yourself!!! lol
Only way I think it will work is if you already have a strong relationship that was started before the distance became a factor. But to start off with any distance between you is a tough job to do. And distance can be out of state or the next county over. A 20min ride may be hard to do if both of you are doing something in life. If you have no life then happy travels lol
YES IT IS! Having strong feelings for someone you can't physically hold or be intimate (not sexual) with for months on end is torture. Find someone in the same state, at least.
It all depends. Some are healthy and soem are not the thing that matters most is the trust. If theres no trust then there will be problems. You also have to watch how u spend ur time cause emotions develop and sometimes we have no control ove rthem. But overall it could be healthy
Long Distance relationships SUCK!!!! If yall weren't together before the move...save yourself the stress....
Genese Devon wrote
at 12:59pm
it depends on a few things:
1. Prayer
2. Determination
3. Communication
4. Money
5. Love, Trust, Honor
if you lack any of those.. a relationship near or far is NOT for you. If you KNOW this person is the ONE then why wouldn't you put effort into making it work while you're apart. If you can survive the distance.. you can survive anything together as a couple. If you are weak minded and easily tempted.. don't do it. If you have no money and can't meet the person half way.. don't do it. If you are not supportive and have bad communicaiton skills.. don't do it. Selfish, arrogant, lazy, liar... DON'T DO IT.
I believe that.. and I have seen it work.
I actually disagree with the notion of it only working if the relationship was strong BEFORE the distance... i think it's the opposite. If you start with long distances you get accustomed to them and you will develop a routine that works for both of you... it's when you're not used to the distance when things can go wrong because you're so used to being able to see each other at any whim.... that's just my theory though.
I have mixed feelings because of prior experiences, I believe that is can be a valid point as well as an excuse. As stated above, if you are, or your parnter is selfish, arrogant, lazy, or weak minded individuals then the issues that long distance brings can not be address as a couple. I feel like if one person is willing to put their all in and the other isn't, a good way out is blaming distance. Its possible bc 'distance never sepreate two hearts that really care'....
'distance never sepreate two hearts that really care'....
^^^
exactly
I think the greatest thing about a strong relationship is that the person is there for you. Someone can't be there for you if they are 100 or 5,000 miles away. They can call, send cards, letters, emails all they want but sometimes u just need that persons physical presence. And that may not be possible if she live on another coast no matter how bad she wants to be there for you. If you cant honestly say you can be there for a person when they most need it, then whats the point.
BTW, YO!
Anything can happen... "A person will do what they have to, if they want to." ... value them. I also agree with G. Devon just not in the the order but important elements are: Prayer, Determination, Communication, Money, Love, Trust and Honor.
I've moved around alot since 15, so the majority of my relationships, friendships or otherwise ARE long distance. I don't feel a burning need to see anyone everyday because it's just not what I'm used to. I have no problem being in a long distance relationship as long as there is ample communication and trust. I would have more problems with a clingy guy who wanted to hang out everyday or gasp! live together. I'm used to my own space and moving every 6 mo to yr. Guys I date tend to be similar-- Independent, Spontaneous, Jet Setters, Go-getters.
So it depends on the mindset of the ppl involved, the depth & dynamic of the relationship, as well as the trust/communication levels.
i was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for about the first year we were together & it is was the best decision i made! if it is meant to be, it will be:)
What's good yall?
First off-- thanks for responding to the question. I think that many of you bring up some good points.
DJ Sneak says:
Only way I think it will work is if you already have a strong relationship that was started before the distance became a factor.
-- That is the only way I believe it will work -- because a foundation has already been set; the trust is strong and there's promise that the relationship will last.
Zellie says:
If you cant honestly say you can be there for a person when they most need it, then whats the point.
-- Good point bruh! This is why ones physical/emotional dependency plays a big role in this type of relationship. If you can't provide it when someone needs it -- then they may find it somewhere else!
The ever so beautiful Genese ;) -- says:
If you can survive the distance.. you can survive anything together as a couple. If you are weak minded and easily tempted.. don't do it. If you have no money and can't meet the person half way.. don't do it. If you are not supportive and have bad communicaiton skills.. don't do it. Selfish, arrogant, lazy, liar... DON'T DO IT.
-- I agree to a certain extent. But I don't think ANYBODY goes into a relationship being weak-minded, selfish, etc.
Let's look at couples who have been married for years, and a spouse is sent overseas for duty. Because they have a foundation set -- there is reason to believe that the relationship could last. However, things happen: people may lose jobs, loved ones, become stressed, etc -- and that may lead them to become vulnerable and crave attention (physical or emotional). These are feelings that can not be controlled.
It is these feelings that lead long distance relationships to break up because one may need immediate attention that the other can't give them. Can you blame Sara for falling for her best friend because he's the one came and spent every night with her when her mother died? Can we still call her selfish or weak-minded?
The problem in long distance relationships is that at ANY given point -- there may be a time where the bf/gf is needed right away. We normally don't think about those emergency situations like sickness, death, or job loss -- in which we are most vulnerable. This is something someone should consider before they get in a long-distance relationship.
I feel that close-proximity relationships could somewhat close those gaps.
the best part of a long distance relationship is that when (yes WHEN) it's over, you don't have to dread the possibility of running into the recent ex everywhere. lol
(moral of the story...they almost always end)
DON'T do it to yourself! It's like having two full-time jobs. lol
But on a more serious note, the best relationship i ever had was long distance, our relationship started with us several states apart and i'm pretty sure i have never and will never trust someone as much as i trust (yes, present tense) him. we saw each other at least once every two months which was hard, but a plus was that the "new boo" excitement never wore off because we hardly saw each other and we actually got to miss each other. We also were forced to REALLY get to know each other and not rely on the physical attraction that can blind/trap people in relationships when they live in a close proximity to their mate. Even after we broke up, because we had to develop such strong communication and a very strong emotional connection, two years later he's still my best friend and i wouldn't be surprised if we got married one day. I think everyone should try it at least once. It's the ultimate test.
But if you're an attention whore, a nympho, have major insecurities, clingy, immature, jealous or if you have extreme trust issues i do not recommend the long distance relationship for you. Then, it's torture.
it is kind of comforting to be in a long distance relationship because it shows that someone cares that much about you to try to make something so difficult work. you don't have to have some of those insecurities or doubts about how someone feels about you...it's not like they can be using you for sex or free meals etc if the only thing they're able to provide you with is their time. it's kind of a genuine emotion. but that could just be the hopeless romantic/optimism of my fairly new l.d.r i happen to be in...now if i were gonna be negative nancy, i could wonder if he would get sex somewhere else and that's why it isn't an issue for him...but really, what's the purpose of wasting time, energy and playing those kinds of games..so for now, im not worried. im hoping for the best :)
I'm actually a strong advocate of the long distance relationship. If you think about it, you have to become a little more creative when it comes to expressing your affection...you can't just take someone to the standard ass dinner and movie, or give them a kiss or some sex to show you care if they're 1000 or however many miles away, which makes it even more difficult to confuse lust with love. I think a lot of people tend to make that mistake. You also value the time you spend together....but eventually, you're gonna have to make a way to be closer because what's the purpose of a permanent long distance relationship? There's only so much progress that can be made over the phone, emails and on random trips to see each other. But that's just my opinion
I agree with everyone , long distance relationships are hard and it takes a special kind of person to deal with them.
That's great everyone's so optimistic. However, long distance relationships do not work. End of story.
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