Is it necessary to establish rules in a relationship?

Would you be jealous if your man/woman went to the club with his/her single friends? Are you allowed to talk to your ex? Do you have to ask permission to go out? Are you calling him/her every night before you go to bed?

The reason why I come to you today is because I’ve found that there are several relationships that have “rules.” Some people believe that rules are necessary because they create the foundation of a honest relationship, but some may argue that rules are limiting boundaries and can be broken.

I honestly feel that EVERY relationship has some sort of rules. What’s important is that both parties UNDERSTAND what’s appropriate and what’s not.

With that said…

*Question*
“Is it necessary to establish rules in a relationship?”

*4 Questions to consider*
“Are rules a result of trust/insecurity/jealousy issues?”
“Does our past have something to do with rules set in relationships?”
“Can rules ultimately strengthen or weaken a relationship?”
“Is there a such thing such as “good” rules?”
“Is there a difference between rules and “common courtesy?” If so, how would you describe “common courtesy,” in a relationship?”

Here's Where I Stand @ www.hwiss.blogspot.com

Here’s Where I Stand…
I believe that rules in relationships are the result of trust/insecurity/jealousy issues, and here’s why:

If we have been hurt in the past, we try to find ways to avoid the same issue. Most rules are set in place to prevent a person from doing something that will increase their chances of “messing something up.” As such, a good example of a rule is “No more talking to exes.”

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why this is such a big issue – but what people fail to realize is that it is very possible to have exes that are good friends.
In fact, some best friends used to date at one time or another. Would this rule be necessary if it was known that the ex has no more interest in you as you do in him/her?
Is it worth losing a friend because your man/woman doesn’t approve?

I honestly think that rules can damage a relationship; especially those that limit a person’s freedom. For example, if John can’t go to the club with his boys because you know he’s going to dance with Tonya, LaCandi’ne and Jane – then he may find a way to do it ANYWAY!

Still…
The only “good rules,” are that of common courtesy. Every successful relationship has this notion of a common courtesy which leads to a mutual understanding of what should be done, and what shouldn’t be done. You SHOULD want to call your man/woman before you go to sleep each night, You SHOULD want to tell your man/woman that you are going out with your friends (instead of making something up because you’re afraid he/she will get mad). I’m rambling, so let me put it like this.

As long as “good rules” are set in place to increase the communication of a relationship, then rules are fine with me.

Where do you stand?

Lose the trust issues and give love a try

What's good everyone? Welcome to “On the Corner!”

In this series, I will discuss things that I want to voice my personal opinion on.

I wanted to come to you all this evening to discuss how I feel about trust in relationships. Sure, it’s a broad topic, but this post focuses primarily on trust issues.

Here’s Where I Stand…
I believe people who have been hurt once or twice (maybe more) tend to develop a sense of insecurity that leads them to have trust issues. Unfortunately these trust issues can lead them to ruin potential or current relationships. You know the type: the somebody who’s been hurt so much that they believe that they are the only person they can trust. If you find yourself in this category and would like to try to make a relationship work, you must do the following: lose the trust issues and give love a try.

Trust Yourself. Understand that if you want to be in a relationship, you must first trust yourself. Trust that you are able to handle a relationship and all that comes with it. Know that there will be just as many bad times as there are good, and that sometimes YOU may be the cause of those rifts. In those cases, you need to be able to trust that you will be able to stand strong and admit when you are wrong. Trust that you will be secure in yourself and that someone is interested in you for a reason. Last but not least, trust that you are strong enough not to give into any temptation.

Trust Him/Her. Forget about those who hurt you in the past. Start your relationship with a new slate. A relationship can flourish as long as there is trust and open communication. Believe that he/she will tell you everything/anything you NEED to know. Don’t question his/her motives; understand that he/she has the freedom to do what he/she wants to do. Do NOT assume the worst; it will only make you stress. Understand that he/she may not respond to a text message whenever you send one – or pick up the phone when you call. Most importantly trust that you are the ONLY one this person is seeing.

Trust in Relationships. Trust that love is possible. Know that you are worth loving and that there is someone out there worth loving back. Learn not to compare old relationships to the present because every relationship is different. Do not assume that one person is trying more than the other – but understand that we all have different ways of showing affection. Understand that there is nothing “too good to be true,” but there is something “good ENOUGH to be true.” As such, you have to believe that love is found when people least expect it --- but normally when they’re ready. They just have to be willing to make it work.

Still…
If you decide to put your full trust into someone and a relationship, all you need is ONE reason to take it back. The moment you doubt ANYTHING – whether it’s yourself, your significant other, or the relationship – it’s time for you to leave. The more you start to suspect that something is wrong, your whole mindframe about the relationship will change.

The suspicions will lead to investigations that will lead to accusations that will lead to arguments that will ultimately lead to a break up. It’s not worth the drama and it’s sure as hell not worth the time. No relationship can survive without trust.

This blog reads a bit like a sermon --- but that’s where I stand on trust issues.

Where do YOU stand ‘On the Corner?’

Guess who's BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK?

What's good HWISS?

Yep -- after a month of -- a lot of stuff -- I'm finally back to get the blog rolling again. It's a new season, so the blog has a new look. Chu like? Chu like?

Okay -- I'll post two topics a month (on the 15th and the last day of the month)-- and I will expand my reach to different groups of people: Facebook and its groups, MySpace and other blogs.

Going forward, my blogs will be posted under three different categories:

Where Do You Stand? - My traditional-style type post, here is where I will post a topic/situation and ask readers what they think. I will offer my opinion (both pros and cons) on the topic/situation at hand.
On the Corner - If I strongly feel a certain way about a certain topic/situation/issue, I will state my thoughts and keep it at that. It'll be my way of "venting."
Readers Want to Know - Many readers often send me a message through Facebook or an instant messager and ask me to cover a topic. Some readers actually write their thoughts on an issue and ask me to respond. This will be your way of taking a stand.

Anyway -- just wanted to let you all know that I am back -- and I am always open to new ideas! Keep me posted!

Stay tuned for tomorrow's On the Corner entry.

Where will you stand?

~Mr. HWISS