*Topic*
You may see feuds between husband/wife and mother/father-in-law on sitcoms but being in a relationship with someone and their family doesn’t like you is NOT a joke.
In fact – it is a situation that can lead to several issues in a relationship including but not limited to
· heated arguments
· separate family functions
· break ups
We’d like to think that when we introduce someone to our family, he/she will be greeted with smiles, hugs, and made welcome.
Unfortunately – it doesn’t always end up that way…
*Question*
“Where would you stand if you were in a relationship with someone and their family didn’t like you?”
*5 Questions to consider*
“Have you done anything that would cause the family to not like you?”
“Would you try your best to be cordial, or would you display the same attitude they show you?”
“If they apologize for any harm they may have caused you, would you accept the apology and work toward a positive relationship?”
“What if kids are involved?”
“Is it grounds for breaking up? Would you give your bf/gf an ultimatum?”
Here’s Where I Stand…
Hmm – I think it depends on how serious the “dislike” is. But overall, I think I would continue the relationship I’m in. I could care less who approves of it or not.
If I did something that would cause the family not to like me, I would try my best to apologize (if it was something that I didn’t do intentionally). If it was the other way around, I’d accept their apology and I’m move forward.
For the sake of kids, I would really try to make the relationship with her family work. I feel it’s important for children to get to know their family and establish growing relationships.
Still…
There comes a point where disrespect is DISRESPECT. Sure, I was raised to be a polite young man, but I will NOT let anybody’s family disrespect me based on issues such as race, religion or creed.
I wouldn’t expect my girl to jump in because it is her family and by God, they come first. However, she better be prepared to pick up the pieces if all hell breaks loose. By then, she’d have to make a choice.
Where do you stand?
Readers Responses:
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The Open Relationship
2 years ago
4 comments:
hmmm. luckily i've never had that problem (i don't think...). I know my mom and she never mistreats anyone so if someone else's family didn't like me I wouldn't behave in any manner that would misrepresent my OWN family. Especially if i haven't done anything to warrant bad vibes. I treat people how i want to be treated and i like to think others do the same. There's no reason adults can not be civil towards each other. We don't have to be friends, but i would never disrespect someone in their house and i expect the same consideration in return. If you find it difficult to maintain that level of maturity then we should not be in each others presence.
Well I have a ton of opinions on this topic. So I don't ramble on, I will just answer the five questions you provided!
*5 Questions to consider*
Q:“Have you done anything that would cause the family to not like you?”
A: In the past I feel that it was in my best interest to be 100% myself, that way there would be no surprising characteristics that came out down the line. It also depends on how you significant other portrays you to his/her family. If they say positive things, then it is most likely that things will go smoother, but if he/she is always telling your dirty laundry to members of their family, then of course prejudices start to take a part in their decision.
Q:“Would you try your best to be cordial, or would you display the same attitude they show you?”
A: No matter what, I will keep it cordial. My parents raised me to show the upmost respect for my elders. If they get out of line, I would simply dismiss myself from the situation and return when things have cooled down. I don't think anyone should have to subject themselves to being disrespected or uncomfortable. I would hope that the partner in the relationship would step in to mediate and handle the situation when neccessary.
Q:“If they apologize for any harm they may have caused you, would you accept the apology and work toward a positive relationship?”
A: Of course. The most important thing is to create a family unit that is pleasant and welcoming. If you plan to be with that person it is best if the family aspect of the relationship is a positive one. It also depends on the persons view of family values. Personally speaking, I hold family in high regard so I would prefer that the person I am with get along with my family.
Q:“What if kids are involved?”
A: If children are involved it is even more critical to create that strong family bond. It is important that the children grow up witnessing a loving family with traditions and lessons that they can carry on and pass down. Disfunctial families is at a all time high, so we need to focus on being part of the minority and not majority.
Q:“Is it grounds for breaking up? Would you give your bf/gf an ultimatum?”
A: I personally believe it is grounds for breaking up because I am so family oriented. If the person does not get a long with my family then I would feel uncomfortable. I have so many family gatherings and talk to my family EVERY DAY on the phone so it would create a split situation that I would not be comforatble in. In my last relationship I avoided telling my family the negatives so they were always happy to see us together, however my ex saw fit to down talk me when he thought I was doing sneaky things, not only to his close friends and possibly family but to my OWN family as well, After sending them e-mails with many faulse accusations my family was uncomfortable with my situation. He later found he was wrong and wanted to make it work, however the damage was done and there is no rewind button. In a situation like mine the only option is to part ways and hope that a lesson was learned from the situation.
you note was very compelling..
i've never been with anyone who's family didn't like me.. but i think if i was.. i'd have to try my best to work towards getting to know the family and trying to meet on some common ground.. especially if the relationship was so serious that breaking up wasn't an option (you know you eventually get to a point where it has to be something very very serious to break up the relationship)... i would hope i would never be in a situation where an ultimatum would be necessary.. but i think if a family loves someone so much, they would want that person to be happy, otherwise there's a lot of other issues that need to be handled within the family..
i think i just rambled lol
anyways.. hope this isn't you friend!
if so.. i hope everything works out man
hit me up
HOLLA!
umm i would say it depends on how serious this relationship is! if i am ride or die for this person, i could careless who likes me cause i'm gonna have mine at the end of the day anyhow! just be the best you can be and thats all you can really do!
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