Farewell...for now

Well people, it's been real!!!

Thank you all for your support -- but now the time has come to focus on other things (i.e. my goals for 2009).

The goal for this blog was just to get some opinions about certain situations that we may experienced at one point in our lives -- and that goal was achieved.

Per my first entry ever -- I mentioned that I planned on going to grad school within the next year. With that said, my priority is set for the new year!

----

I'll be sure to update the blog with what's been going on in the meanwhile --- but until then, have a safe, blessed and happy new year!

See u soon!!!

Changes

What's going on HWISS?

As you can see, the page has undergone a makeover. U like? Yea,,, I do too!

Expansion
But umm... Now since the blog is in it's second season, it's time to expand outreach to more than just my Facebook and MySpace FRIENDS.

I've already created an open MySpace profile and I am in the process of creating a public Facebook profile so I can get a wide variety of thoughts and opinions.

This season, I'll also expand the blog to new social networks.

Topics
Every month going forward (or until I choose otherwise) will have a common theme. The theme for this month is "honesty by choice or circumstance." As such, each topic will be closely related.

Notes will NO longer be posted on FB, MS or other social networking sites -- only the status questions.

Reader's Responses
I have decided not to pic top 10 readers responses anymore. I feel that I may use some bias when picking some of these responses, so I'll continue to add outside responses as such, unless readers choose to be anonymous.

--- Anyway ---
Thanks for all of the support thus far! It's time to step it up a notch!

Where do you stand?

~Mr. HWISS

Should people dating/in relationships openly and honestly discuss their past?

What’s good HWISS? Going forward – if time permits – I’m going to try something different. I plan to stick to a common theme for the topic/situation in question.

December’s theme is all about honesty --- by choice or circumstance.

As part of my blog (http://www.hwiss.blogspot.com/), I’d like to offer the opinions of other people. As such, please read the situation carefully and feel free to share your honest thoughts/opinions. *Remember, there is no right/wrong answer!*

Some responses will be included in the "top reader's responses" a week later.

*Situation*
How many partners have you had?

Do you still have feelings for your ex?

How long have you known him/her?

Did you ever cheat on your ex? Hell --- did you ever cheat on me?

Questions like (but not limited to) the ones above are asked all the time and the answers could lead to an open and honest relationship --- or a closed and insecure one.

While it’s very important to have relationships based on trust – some people are not open and honest about their past for a myriad of reasons:

• they’re afraid of their bf/gf’s reactions,
• they may not get a second chance,
• their past has nothing to do with the person he/she is presently, etc.

In fact, some people have the “don’t ask, don’t tell,” policy.

However, some may agree that it’s better to be honest and let it all out before it comes back full force! At least in these cases, one’s bf/gf could be fully aware of what has happened/what is happening, so he/she is not surprised – or one’s bf/gf could take the hint and keep it moving (lol).

All jokes aside – many people wonder why their bf/gf’s last dating situation/relationship didn’t work out or why their bf/gf’s “good friend” is coming into town and trying to meet up with them, etc.

Would it be wrong if they asked? Would it be right?

With the exception of health (because it is VERY important that people are honest about their health before getting into ANY relationship) –

*Question*
“Should people dating/in relationships openly and honestly discuss their past?”

*5 Questions to consider*
“Are you the type of person who believes the past is the past?”
“Could you trust and believe that your bf/gf’s past is the past and that they’re ready and willing to move forward with you?”
“Have you done anything that would cause a major concern?”
“Would you expect that your bf/gf is completely honest with you about their past?”
“Would you be ready to hear something that you really didn’t want to know the answer to?”

Here's Where I Stand...
I'm going to run with this and say "No." Why? Because I think discussing one's past -- whether positive or negative can break more things than fix it (at least early on in a relationship). For example, telling your new bf/gf about how much you loved your ex and how great of a relationship it was --- could lead to insecurities on their part. He/she may ask him/herself, "Well damn -- are you sure you don't want to be with your ex?"

We have to remember that a "good past" may not be the best thing to hear either. Especially now since the pressue is on your current bf/gf to step up his/her game!

Still...
I believe people should at least discuss their LAST situation as it can relate to why he/she is currently looking for a new relationship in the first place. No one wants a rebound --- or the guy/girl who cheated so many times that they were dumped!

This is definitely one of those honesty by choice/circumstance situations.

Anyway -- just wanted to get the ball rolling...

Where do you stand?
Reader responses will be posted at a later date.

Where would you stand if you were in a relationship with someone and their family didn’t like you?

*Topic*
You may see feuds between husband/wife and mother/father-in-law on sitcoms but being in a relationship with someone and their family doesn’t like you is NOT a joke.

In fact – it is a situation that can lead to several issues in a relationship including but not limited to
· heated arguments
· separate family functions
· break ups

We’d like to think that when we introduce someone to our family, he/she will be greeted with smiles, hugs, and made welcome.

Unfortunately – it doesn’t always end up that way…

*Question*
“Where would you stand if you were in a relationship with someone and their family didn’t like you?”

*5 Questions to consider*
“Have you done anything that would cause the family to not like you?”
“Would you try your best to be cordial, or would you display the same attitude they show you?”
“If they apologize for any harm they may have caused you, would you accept the apology and work toward a positive relationship?”
“What if kids are involved?”
“Is it grounds for breaking up? Would you give your bf/gf an ultimatum?”

Here’s Where I Stand…
Hmm – I think it depends on how serious the “dislike” is. But overall, I think I would continue the relationship I’m in. I could care less who approves of it or not.

If I did something that would cause the family not to like me, I would try my best to apologize (if it was something that I didn’t do intentionally). If it was the other way around, I’d accept their apology and I’m move forward.

For the sake of kids, I would really try to make the relationship with her family work. I feel it’s important for children to get to know their family and establish growing relationships.

Still…
There comes a point where disrespect is DISRESPECT. Sure, I was raised to be a polite young man, but I will NOT let anybody’s family disrespect me based on issues such as race, religion or creed.

I wouldn’t expect my girl to jump in because it is her family and by God, they come first. However, she better be prepared to pick up the pieces if all hell breaks loose. By then, she’d have to make a choice.

Where do you stand?

Readers Responses:
This post did not receive enough responses. But feel free to check the comments section if you would like to know what others think!

Is long distance a valid reason NOT to get into a relationship – or is it just another excuse?

*Topic*
I’ve been having a few conversations lately, and I’ve come to the conclusion that “long distance” is a valid reason not to get into a relationship.

Why? Because after a while, trust issues start to form, people start to lead separate lives and it just goes down hill from there.

People say only the strongest of love can survive long distance relationships, but even a relationship that lasts for years can be torn apart in a second.

I may be biased based on a past “relationship,” but I feel that I’m not the only one who believes that long distance relationships are NOT the way to go. Am I?

*Question*
“Is long distance a valid reason NOT to get into a relationship – or is it just another excuse?”

*5 Questions to consider*
“What is your level of trust in your bf/gf?”
“How often would be an acceptable time to see each other?”
“Are you more of a physical or an emotional person?”
“Do you think girls are more willing to have a long distance relationship than guys?”
“Has it worked for you in the past?”

Here’s Where I Stand…
I honestly believe that long distances relationships will not work based on all the issues that can arise.

Trust – as in ALL relationships – must be 110% when dealing with long distance relationships and if there is any room for doubt then it will never last.

Depending on the distance between a couple, the amount of times they can see each other also plays a big part. If you are a person who craves a lot of physical or emotional attention – then a long distance relationship is definitely a no-go!

From previous conversations, it seems like girls are more willing to give long distance relationships a chance, but are also the ones most hurt.

Still…
I believe the only way a long distance relationship COULD work, is if a foundation was set prior to the relationship becoming long distance. By foundation, I’m not talking about 2-3 months – I’m talking about 2-3 years.

There must also be an understanding that the couple intends to move closer together in the near future. It makes no sense to STAY long distance if you really want to maintain a long and healthy relationship.

They also say: If you REALLY want to make something work – you will.
Okay – I’ve done my part.

Readers' Responses:
1) "Depends on how much the person wants you and the maturity level. and of course ... financial stability is a plus."

2) "I think everyone should try it at least once. It's the ultimate test. But if you're an attention whore, a nympho, have major insecurities, clingy, immature, jealous or if you have extreme trust issues i do not recommend the long distance relationship for you.."

3) "Only way I think it will work is if you already have a strong relationship that was started before the distance became a factor. But to start off with any distance between you is a tough job to do."

4) "YES IT IS! Having strong feelings for someone you can't physically hold or be intimate (not sexual) with for months on end is torture."

5) "It depends on a few things:
1. Prayer
2. Determination
3. Communication
4. Money
5. Love, Trust, Honor

if you lack any of those.. a relationship near or far is NOT for you."

6) "I actually disagree with the notion of it only working if the relationship was strong BEFORE the distance... i think it's the opposite. If you start with long distances you get accustomed to them and you will develop a routine that works for both of you... it's when you're not used to the distance when things can go wrong because you're so used to being able to see each other at any whim"

7) "It's possible bc 'distance never sepreate two hearts that really care"

8) " If you cant honestly say you can be there for a person when they most need it, then whats the point."

9) "The best part of a long distance relationship is that when (yes WHEN) it's over, you don't have to dread the possibility of running into the recent ex everywhere. lol."

10) "I was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for about the first year we were together & it is was the best decision i made! if it is meant to be, it will be:)"

All these and more in the comments section!

Is it possible to be overloved?

*Topic*
I heard the term “overloved” used in a conversation in which a young man felt that his ex-girlfriend was over the top (for lack of words).

He used phrases such as:

*-"She called too much"
*-"She sent too many text messages"
*-"She always asked questions about what I was doing"
*- "She was way too jealous"

The young man admitted that he loved her, but he felt that the way his ex-girlfriend expressed her love was way too much. The result? He had to leave.

We all express our love in different ways, and while there are other situations to examine (such as crushes who won’t leave you alone or crushes who YOU won’t leave alone), we’re going to focus on being “overloved” in a relationship.

With that said -- you may dream of a relationship in which the feelings a man/woman has for you is as strong as the feelings you have for him/her (if not stronger). But really, how much is too much?

Question
Is it possible to be overloved? If so, is it a BAD thing?

5 factors to consider
*- Your boyfriend/girlfriend's past relationships
*- The type of relationships you are used to
*- The type of attention you want/don't want in a relationship
*- How much you are willing to put up with being “overloved” – if that even is a problem
*- Whether the term “overloved” is a nicer word for overbearing, over-protective, jealous or insecure

Here’s Where I Stand…
I've had the hardest time answering this question -- which is why I had to post it a day later. What I came down to was this:

Yep, it is possible to be overloved, and I say it’s bad on both sides.

Being overloved can put people in situations that lead (but are not limited) to:
*- constantly having to explain one's self
*- showing affection against one's will
*- unnecessary drama such as jealousy

It is situations like this that could cause a relationship to fail. One's simple request for affection may seem a bit overbearing or even demanding. Love shouldn't be about rules.

Overloving someone might not be a good thing either. It's great to be in love -- but when you find yourself working too hard to have the relationship you desire or becoming a problem in a relationship then you really need to step back. It can lead to a heartbreak that you aren't ready to handle.

Still…
What’s most important is that we examine the type of attention we want/don’t want in relationships. Depending on who we’re dating, that attention might change.

When you meet the person who expresses love the way YOU want it and goes above and beyond to make you happy -- then being overloved is a GREAT thing! It is relationships like these that last.

Where do you stand?

Readers' Responses
1) In your list of things to consider, you asked whether “overloved” is a nicer word for overbearing, over-protective, jealous or insecure. I think it's all of the above.
2) I think that overloving someone is a symptom of a bigger problem with the relationship - or more specifically the overlord... err... overlover.
3) Desperation is the biggest turn off. In my opinion (everyone may not agree) anyone who basically gives someone an unlimited free pass to treat them like shit because they're too in "love" to walk away is weak, and has no self-respect.
4) The "overlovers" in my experience try to find someone else to place all of their love into because they are insecure and don't have enough love for themselves. It's like overcompensation times ten. There is no love greater than love for self so learn to love yourself first before you can fully and healthily love someone else.
5) Um, hell no. But you can become obsessed.
6) Overloved is a very nice way to put it!
7) I almost feel like Overloved can be termed with "obsessed". Overbearing may be too strong of a word. I feel like you can love someone and be obsessed with them, which can almost be stalkerish.
8) People use love as a way to control.. well i only called you 40 times in an hour because i love you.. NO YOU ARE A STALKER.
9) If all of your decisions are based on what another person needs (and this person is not your child) then you have serious issues to sort out.
10) I'm concerned that you all associate psychotic behavior AND LOW SELF-ESTEEM with love. That is not love my beautiful people. that's not even healthy.

All these and more in the comments section!

P.S. - Sorry for the delay -- ur boy is back!

Where do you stand on people who hook up with someone already in a relationship?

*Topic*
You may have heard of relationships or situations where there is “another man/woman.”

Yes – it’s called cheating and it happens A LOT!

But this week, we’re not going to focus on the person cheating or the person they’re cheating on – let’s focus on the “other man/other woman.” Particularly, let’s talk about the men/women who hook up with someone KNOWING that the person has a boyfriend/girlfriend.

There are several reasons WHY this may happen – including but not limited to:
o The person may not be happy with his/her relationship and the “other man/woman” makes them happier.
o The “other man/woman” may have feelings and urges that they can not control.
o The “other man/woman” may enjoy the “challenge” of breaking up a relationship in which he/she obviously does not approve.

Whatever the case – is it a RIGHT thing to do?

*Question*
“Is it okay to hook up with someone and it’s obvious that they have a bf/gf”

*5 Questions to consider*
“Would it matter if the person is having problems with his/her bf/gf?”
“What if he/she told you up front?”
“Would you continue to hook up with someone if you found out that they had a bf/gf AFTER the fact?”
“Would you keep the bf/gf’s feelings to mind?”
“Are you okay with being the “other man/other woman?”

Here's Where I Stand...
Okay -- first off, I think this is a touchy subject -- because I believe that many people have KNOWINGLY been the other person.

Do I think it is okay? I'd hate to say it -- but I'm going to go with NO

It is not fair to the person indirectly affected (i.e. the boyfriend/girlfriend), regardless of the problems he/she was having in the relationship. I think that is most wrong when people do it out of spite, or "just because." These are the people who are comfortable with being the "other man/woman."

Now that I think about it -- if anyone hooks up with someone KNOWING that he/she has a bf/gf, then he/she IS comfortable being the other man/woman -- point blank.

Let's not even talk about the possibilities of STDs or whatever complications that may occur by people sharing more than one partner. If someone is comfortable being the "other man/woman," it may be safe to assume that they are playing the field elsewhere. I just think it's dirty.

Still...
Love is love -- and people WILL do what they want, BUT there is no reason why a person should CONTINUE to stay in a relationship if he/she has feelings for someone else. It's always better just to leave than to cheat.

Where do you stand?

Reader's Responses
1) I personally am too much of a firm believer in karma to ever hook up with someone in a relationship. I can understand being attracted to someone, but at the end of the day it all has to do with respect for other people's feelings and having self-restraint.

2) While i partially understand someone having the mentality of believing "if you aren't married technically you're still single and fair game" or "he says shes a bad girlfriend/she's so emotionally unstable and she can't handle it if i break things off etc," and allowing those excuses to excuse her (or his) actions, there are other things that should be taken into consideration.

3) It's easier to respect someone who realizes they are in a bad situation and gets out of it the most honorable way possible as opposed to someone who just wants to have their cake and eat it too.

4) I've been that other person and felt a little guilty and never did it again. And karma did come back to bite me in the ass, but it's cool. He was a loser. So the answer is it's never okay. Shit happens, but people if you're in a relationship and creepin', just let it go. It'll be the best thing to do in the end.

5) I see shows all the time, like Maury, where the spouse get upset with the "other man/woman" but really, I wouldn't waste my breath on her or him, because while they were a participant, it was YOUR spouse/significant that cheated and allowed it to happen, YOUR said spouse/significant should show restraint regardless if the other person doesn't. So it's mainly you spouse's or significant's fault.

6) I think if people took a minute to place themselves in other people's shoes and consider how they would feel if they were being cheated on, or even how they felt WHEN they were cheated on, then maybe people would be able to recognize that it's the wrong thing to do.

7) All the replies seem to be from people who claim they "would never" and are appauled by the thought.....oh bull....do you really think we believe that? Not only that, this is an actual occurance, so where are the people who will admit guilt? People are often not who they present themselves to be. Some people are dishonest. Some people cheat. Some people intentionally cheat as the other women or man. I would like to know what their motivations are. People do make mistakes and can grow and learn from them. I never said there was anything wrong with discipline.

8) Is it really that wrong?? What if they're not stealing, they're just borrowing?? Lol. But seriously, I don't think it's wrong. Dating isn't marriage. Dating is a trial period. There are no ties and rules except the ones ya'll set out for your relationship. So if your man/woman is stepping out with someone else... wouldn't rather know that now as opposed to later... Why should the other woman/man care about your relationship?

9) As far as karma, I'm not worried about it. I've done enough plotting on other female's men, that I know when they're plotting on mine. If he's willing to go for the bait, he's not the one for me.

10) I hooked up with someone's man Saturday! HA. and the girl he's with did the SAME thing to me when me and him were together. Yea I know they are together. But it was JUST sex. That doesn't make it RIGHT! But quite honestly I'm not thinkin bout her! She's not family OR a friend. That's HIS relationship and responsibility to be faithful, not mine. And I'm NOT the other woman....cause it aint even on that level!

All these and more in the comments section.

If someone steps to you, where do you draw the line between playing it cool and kicking azz?

*Situation*
You are having a great time at a social gathering, but at one point in the night, you catch someone giving you the side-eye in the distance.

It doesn’t bother you at first, but as the night progresses, you begin to realize that it is very clear that he/she has a problem with you. You continue to enjoy your night until he/she walks up to you.

“Do you have a problem?” He/she says, “Because if you do, we can get it there!”

He/she proceeds to take off his/her jacket or whatever -- It may be a possibility that he/she may be drunk, but at the same time, you have someone all up in your personal space.

PS>>> While everyone does not go to the club, I must add that the previous paragraph was an example of the situation. One of my ACE reporters, I.N.K. recalls a situation where he had to draw the line – not at a club – but at a stop light with a crossing guard. The situations are limitless (lol)

With that said:

*Question*
“If someone steps to you, where do you draw the line between playing it cool and kicking azz?”

*5 Questions to consider*
“Does it matter where you are?”
“Does it matter what you’re wearing?”
“Does it matter who you’re with?”
“If someone steps to your friend in the same manner, what would be your role?”
“Would you be willing to deal with the consequences involved?

Here's where I stand...
I can recall a few similar situations where I had to draw a line between playing it cool and kicking azz, and I believe in every situation I've had to ask myself, "Would you be willing to deal with the consequences involved?"

I think in most instances, people can walk away from a situation without it escalating to a more serious altercation. We're at an age now where it's the MATURE thing to do. I think the location of the event and who a person is with is a big factor in the decision to play it cool or kick azz.

If a friend was in a similar situation, I would try my best to break it up without fueling the altercation.

Still...
There are times where a person can not walk away. I am not talking about because someone called a girl/guy out of his/her name -- I am talking about the point in which a person attempts to become physical. It is at this point that I feel it is necessary to kick that azz (or one may end up getting their azz kicked lol). I do not condone fighting, but I do believe people should be able to defend themselves if the situation occurs.

With that said, I believe people should be VERY careful before making the decision to kick azz. There may be some very serious consequences as a result: embarassment, arrest/jail, and the possibility of someone getting extremely hurt.

Where do you stand?

Reader's Responses:
1)"If someone steps to me, I would laugh, because they just don't know me lol ya heard!"
2)"I was so ready to beat a crossing gaurds ass today and get arrested if it wasn't for my grandmother being in the car."
3)"If someone jumps at you for no reason that you know of, of course, go off on them and make them learn a lesson. But if you know you can't win than maybe you should run. Then again, where are you that such people would openly approach you and is the reason really you? If it's you, then check yourself, if it's not, and there's no physical threat, ignore it. Feeding that person with your attention does nothing for you but waste time, and I know I not wasting my time like that. Pick your battles."
4)"My role would be to keep my friend calm unless the other person swings."
5)"As a lady - I don't hit first. I don't run off at the mouth. If someone approaches ME with an issue, they better be ready for the consequences of THEIR actions. Cause at the end of the day self-defense won't get me arrested...but it WILL get you messed up!"
6)"As far as a friend role, it really depends on the friend and how they act. Of course I'm never gonna let my peoples get beat up tho."
7)"Thinking too much about my gear may open the doorway for a unexpected ass whoopin. Addendum: If you are suited, then you are in a social environment not conducive to kickin ass."
8)"Anybody with me should know that I suffer from a severe napoleonic complex, fights just come with the territory."
9)"When all is said and done, the best way to deal with conflict is to avoid it. However, if you have no choice, strike fast, aim for the throat ear or pelvis (all effective one shot fight enders), and maintain your cool prior to and post fight."
10)"If you are around a bunch of drunks and think you should act mindless to have fun, I think it may be easier for someone to rub you the wrong way or you rub them wrong."

Is (good) sex enough of a reason to stay in a relationship?

*Topic*
People stay in relationships for many reasons: love/family (ideal reasons), money, a place to live and (to no surprise) sex.

Although it’s possible to have a relationship without sex, people in relationships seem to have a better connection when sex is involved…especially if it’s good. In fact, sometimes the sex so good, it's the only thing that seems to hold some relationships together.

You’ve probably heard it before (or experienced it yourself): “I don’t want to leave ____ because the sex is sooooooo good!”

Not saying that the topic in question is wrong -- but is it necessarily right?

*Question*
“Is (good) sex enough of a reason to stay in a relationship?”

*5 Questions to consider*
“Would it still be a “relationship” it was just based on sex?”
“What could be some of the emotional consequences (if any)?”
“What could be some of the emotional benefits (if any)?”
“If so, would you ever let your bf/gf know that their sex is the only reason why you’re around?”
“Can you not find good sex somewhere else?”

Here's Where I Stand...
Relationships should encompass more than just sex. If one person is "staying" with someone just based on sex -- then that's exactly what it is: sex with someone you know (not a relationship).

Some people are naive to the idea that their bf/gf is with them only because of sex, but others are smart enough to figure it out and find love elsewhere. Depending on one's personal experiences, good sex could be easy/hard to find -- but it's definitely possible to find it elsewhere -- especially if the relationship is emotionally draining.

Still...
I think that it all depends on what someone is looking for when they are in a relationship. If the only reason he/she is in a relationship because they want someone to be exclusively sexually involved with, then I'd say "It's all good." I would HOPE, however, that the other person involved feels the same way.

Where do you stand?

Readers Responses:

1. As far as emotional consequences, I think depending on the length of the sex relationship would determine the emotional consequences IF ANY...as far as benefits, some women look at it as them feeling wanted...which may be where the catching feelings part comes in, and that physical satisfaction begins to confuse emotions...
2. I've told so many females they're dumb for staying with a dude that they're going through so many problems with, just because they feel they won't find sex as good as his if they leave. So, they stay and complain about this and that and say oh, but the sex is good. I'll never agree to them staying, I've never agreed to a female staying with me or vice versa for that reason. Does/has it happened? Of course lol. But, it's basically a temporary situation until it dies out.
3. Sex can help a relationship evolve from just friends, something casual, or if it's a new relationship. But, I don't think it can help sustain one. It'll keep you around for a while, be it a short or long while, but ultimately someone will leave after feeling like they "need more".
4. Sex will never take the place of love and the connection your heart has with a person who truly cares about you for you. Not how far you can arch your back on the reverse cowgirl or the fact that you can actually swing from the ceiling fan without breaking it can keep a connection going but who will be that flexible in the yrs to come??
5. I've seen sex keep ppl together from days to actually years, but it's really a damn shame when asked what are some of the best memories together and a person can give you a periodic table of sex positions but they can't give you at least one time he or she cooked dinner, treated their partner to a movie, met their partners family or just spent quality time together.
6. It all comes down to a real relationship with some nice ASSets that can last a lifetime, but if you make that ASSet the most important thing in a relationship, prepare to land on your ASS one day. ...that is all....
7. No, No, and NO. I disagree with you... A relationship CAN NOT be sustained without a pleasurable sex life (sex is quite important), but in the same light, great sex CAN NOT sustain a failing relationship.
8. Staying in a relationship solely for sexual reasons is abusive to the soul... thats a clear emotional rollercoaster... 95% of the time you'll be unhappy... 5% of the time in euphoric bliss.
9. I'm pretty much a firm believer that staying in a relationship for ANY reason other than just wanting to be with that person (ultimately LOVE) is bound to result in negativity.
10. Overall, if you have a strong emotional attachment to a person, you can make the sex good. You can teach your partner what you like to make it better and it'll be GREAT because you already have that emotional connection. But you cannot teach your sex partner to be a great partner emotionally because that can't be taught.

These and more in the comments section. Where do you stand?

On the Corner: Discussing how anyone wearing Obama paraphernalia will be turned away from voting on election day

What's good everyone? Welcome to “On the Corner!”

In this series, I will discuss things unrelated to our normal topics, but close enough to keep your thoughts flowing.

I wanted to come to you all this evening to discuss an email I received today. In fact – I received it from three separate parties. Some of you may have received it as well.

It is an email warning Obama supporters not to wear any Obama paraphernalia to vote or they will be turned away.

The email reads:

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE ADVISE EVERYONE YOU KNOW THAT THEY ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT GO TO THE POLLS WEARING ANY OBAMA SHIRTS, PINS OR HATS, IT IS AGAINST THE LAW AND WILL BE GROUNDS TO HAVE THE POLLING OFFICIALS TO TURN YOU AWAY.

THAT IS CONSIDERED CAMPAIGNING AND NO ONE CAN CAMPAIGN WITHIN X AMOUNT OF FEET TO THE POLLS. THEY ARE BANKING ON US BEING EXCITED AND NOT BEING AWARE OF THIS LONG STANDING LAW THAT YOU CAN BET WILL BE ENFORCED THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEY ARE BANKING THAT IF YOU ARE TURNED AWAY YOU WILL NOT GO HOME AND
CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES. PLEASE JUST DON'T WEAR OBAMA GEAR OF ANY SORTS TO THE POLLS!!

PLEASE SHARE THIS INFORMATION, OH AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WERE ALREADY AWARE THIS WAS NOT MEANT TO INSULT YOUR INTELLIGENCE.

JUST TRYING TO COVER ALL GROUNDS.

Here’s Where I Stand…
I am glad that this message is being passed around, but I can’t help but wonder if it is legit or another scare tactic. I did some research and it has been posted in blogs all around the Internet, and no one seems to know the true source of the email.

I know that signs can’t be placed within a certain amount of feet of a polling place, but, I must admit that I am unaware of the any clothing rules.

As far as I’m concerned (correct me if I’m wrong), one should be able to wear whatever they want to the polls. However, if the law IS true, then I have no choice but to back down: rules are rules. Perhaps it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Still…
I can’t help but wonder who created this email and why it seems to be targeted toward Obama supporters.

Regardless of which party someone decides to support, America will experience history in the making. As such, there is a reason for everyone to be excited.

Should we even assume that the same email is being forwarded to McCain/Palin supporters? If not, why?

Stand with me “On the Corner” and throw in your two cents.

Where do you stand?

Can a relationship with a friend of the opposite sex be strictly platonic?

*Topic*
True -- the attraction may be there -- but nowadays, it seems pretty common: People can be best/good friends of the opposite sex.

While some people have grown to accept it, there is still the belief that it is impossible for men and women to be good friends without crossing the barriers.

Believe it or not, it can cause more drama than you know.

For example:
If you’re not in a relationship:
People may assume that you and your best/good friend are together.
Ladies may think you are seeing too many women to take you serious; Men may think you’re a little too “friendly” with other guys to take you serious.

If you’re in a relationship:
Your bf/gf may not approve of the relationship you have with your best friend.
He/she may get extremely jealous of the relationship that you two have.
He/she may cause a rift between you and your best friend.

Bottom line – this is a situation that could possibly change a friendship/relationship forever. Where do you stand?

Question
“Can a relationship with a friend of the opposite sex be strictly platonic?”

5 Questions to consider
“What problems can rise in having a best/good friend of the opposite?”
“What benefits are there?
“Should those friendships cease when you/your bf/gf get into a relationship?”
“Do you trust yourself/your friend not to cross that border?”/“Do you trust your bf/gf or his/her friends?”
"Additional Question: "Considering other lifestyles, can the same be said for friendships of the same sex?"

Here's where I stand...
I think it's very possible to have a strictly platonic relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Sure problems can arise, but I think that there are many benefits. For one, if you need advice, your friend of the opposite sex can help you out in many ways. Socially, it's just cool to have a girl/guy to go out with sometime, whether it be dinner, movies, to the club, etc.

There's no reason why friendships should cease because your bf/gf doesn't approve. I've had to suffer the consequences of a situation because some girl's bf didn't approve -- and the relationship didn't even last.

Still...
Ultimately it comes down to "trust." If you can trust yourself and your friend not to cross that border, then you shouldn't have any problem. And if you're on the other side, if you can trust your bf/gf and their friends, then you shouldn't have any problem.

Where do you stand?

Readers Responses:

1. “All of the things you stated in your examples have come true and even though it sucks, I would not forfeit our friendship”
2. “Why would you even go there? A friend is a friend.”
3. “I think it’s possible. But I also think that someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend might consider you a threat. That’s when the drama starts.”
4. “Nope lol. It can be, but unless they whole-heartedly turn you off, you'll take it if they offered you a piece.”
5. “Their sex should make no more of a difference than their race.”
6. “As a lesbian, I think it’s the complete opposite. Girls would rather that I have a male best friend than a female. That’s just my take on it.”
7. “Hell to the NO! If my "friend" has accomplished friendship with me plus he's there for me whenever i need him..etc.. then i should be looking at him and wondering why i'm not WITH him.”
8. “I don't have any guy friends because I know how to cook, clean, listen, balance a check book, shut the hell up, support and pray..etc. any man with good sense is not trying to limit me to friendship.”
9. “No the friendship should not cease because you get into a relationship w/ someone. However, depending on where life takes you sometimes it does.”
10. “We put men in the friend category when sometimes the "friend" treats you better than your man.”

Readers Wanna Know: Cheating; is it in our genes?

Today’s topic comes from A. Warren, one of my top idea contributors.

She found a recent study which states, cheating is in a man’s genes.(Look it up, there are some stories out there). She doesn’t agree, but she wants to know where people stand on this issue. Do you agree that cheating is in a man’s genes? Everybody cheats -- so would it be the same for women?

Before I let you know where I stand, I’ll let you read the note for yourself:

A. Warren says:
“According to recent studies, it would appear that men cheat because it's...well, it's in their genes, as if men don't come up with enough excuses to be DOGS!!! When I received wind of this news I had to find out what other women, or men for that matter thought about the issue. So, feel free to leave your honest thoughts and opinions! And just to get the ball rollin, I'll be the first to offer my opinion!

I personally believe that EVERY man has some DOG in him! Yes they do! And some women, but mostly men. Now, it's up to you as to at you want to do with that DOG; you can A) Unleash it or B) Put the DOG to sleep! Most men just choose to unleash it! Please don't get me wrong; I am in no way, shape, or form sayin that ALL MEN ARE DOGS!!! I know that there are about 10 good ones out there SOMEWHERE!! The question at hand is, "is it in their genes or not?" NO!! Men cheat because they WANT to, or because they just refuse to maintain some self control and keep their little thang in their pants! Cheatin isn't something that you can't control it like tourettes or mental retardation. If we're goin to be so bold as to say that cheating is in their genes then so is LYING!! And as I stated before, women cheat JUST like men do, so can we do a study to prove that cheating is in womens' genes as well as men?!

That's my two cents and a couple of dollars as well! Please offer your pennies, nickles, dimes, or Andrew Jackson's for that matter! I'm quite eager to hear other's thoughts! Don't be shy!”

*Feel free to contact A. Warren directly at her MySpace page, linked at the top.

Here's Where I Stand...

I find it funny how women say "MOST men this" or "MOST men that". Not saying that this is NOT true, but it's very easy to generalize something based on a few personal experiences.

Statistics always have a margin of error --- It's a possibility that most men interviewed in the survey have cheated before, but there could have ALSO been the possibility that the majority of men interviewed did NOT cheat before. Results will ALWAYS vary.

On the topic, I agree with you -- cheating, just like being honest or lying, is a decision that everyone has to make. Saying that cheating is in the genes, is like saying stealing, fighting or grocery shopping is in the genes lol. It's pretty simple -- You can't fight your feelings, but you CAN fight your actions. By that -- the desire to cheat is one thing, but the actual action is totally a decision that someone has made.

Still...

The proof is right there in the pudding (and other studies). Maybe it's true that our genetic makeup contributes to the weakness of our self control.

Where do you stand?

Readers Responses

1. “Sometimes it seems as if it got a mind of its own ”
2. “Well I like to hope that cheating is not in a man's DNA. However, it is hard for me to think like that at times when almost every relationship I have been in has ended up with the same conclusion. Me being extremely loyal and faithful and the man doing whatever he likes.”
3. “I wish men would stop saying that to give them clearance to cheat and women need to stop saying it to excuse the men who cheat. God gave man free will. Cheating is a choice that some make.”
4. “I believe all women and men have those thoughts of cheating. Some act on them, some don't depending on the type of person they are."
5. “I remember reading that men are more liable to cheat simply because their ultimate goal is to spread their seed.”
6. “Science suggests it may be inherited in a male as a result of some primordial instinct but men can be rational human beings. It’s as simple as controlling an urge. Sure, a married woman can look at a man and think "Oh, he's gorgeous" but has sense enough to control her feelings. The same can be applied to a man. There is no excuse. Adults know better.”
7. “It runs in my family!!! Lmao”
8. “There are cultural factors that should be taken into consideration when having this discussion. The standards our society holds for men need to be higher; maybe then the behavior will change.”
9. “It’s just a matter of how you were raised or influenced. Some men were encouraged to cheat as they were growing up and some have different reason but it’s not part of genes, but more of are environment.”
10. “It starts and ends with a personal choice. A spin on it - also nobody can force you into cheating. No matter what another person does, if you can't handle it LEAVE don't cheat

P.S. Please be sure to contact me if you have any videos/photos/songs/ideas/situations that you would like me to cover!

Readers Wanna Know: My Take on Little Kids Doing Adult Dances

What's good everyone? Welcome to the first of the mini-series titled, “Readers Wanna Know!”

In this series, readers will suggest topics for me to cover on HWISS. Topics will and can be serious/funny/crazy azz hell. So yes, PLEASE email me your thoughts and ideas on situations/topics/videos/songs – whatever you’d like!

Today’s Topic: “Readers Wanna Know Where I Stand on Kids Who Dance Like Adults”

Today’s topic comes from one my ACE researchers, I.N.K.

It is a video of little children (ages 6-7) dancing at somebody’s birthday party.
Cute huh? I’m not even gonna’ front – I laughed my azz off! But before I let you know where I stand, I’ll let you see the video for yourself:



Here's Where I Stand...
When I first saw this video, I wanted to snatch those two little kids up and beat their azzes!

Who taught them how to dance like that? At times like this, I have no choice but to blame the parents. I mean -- that little girl was doing ALL types of positions on that little boy (smh) -- and she wasn't shy either! What's worse is that the parents and adults in the background are cheering these little goblins on! Not acceptable -- at ALL!

How do you prevent this? It's as simple as turning the channel from music videos to cartoons, or better yet, giving their simple azzes a book to read! I hope that those children put as much effort into their school work as they do learning those dances!

Still...
That video definitely made me laugh -- then cry -- then laugh again lol. You couldn't tell those kids NOTHING! -- And that's where I stand!

Where you do stand on kids who dance like adults?

Readers' Responses:

1. “LOL -- Somebody get these damn kids!”
2. “We wonder why men don't respect black women (or any for that matter) this is why. It is constantly and consistently ingrained in minds of men that women are nothing more than sexual objects.”
3. “OMG!!! I would beat her asssssssssss!!!
4. “If we begin to set better examples for the future of American, then perhaps America's future would be just a lil bit better.”
5. “This is a HOT AZZ MESS!!!!”
6. “Personally, I don't see the comedy that had you doubling over with laughter.”
7. “As a mother to a four year old girl I must say that this video both disgust AND saddens me.”
8. “If each year the generations get worse... how much worse will the generation after them be?!!”
9. “Not for nothing but this is why overall we haven't made it further than we should have. Cause we got some ignorant, simple people holdin' us back!”
10. “What makes it worse....there were adults cheering the kids on.”

P.S. Please be sure to contact me if you have any videos/photos/songs/ideas/situations that you would like me to cover!

Is it possible to have the benefits of a relationship without being in one?

*Topic*
Let’s face it – no one WANTS to be alone, but it’s interesting to see how many people jump into “relationships" just to be in one.

But is it really necessary?

Nowadays, people who are “dating," enjoy the same benefits as people in relationships including (but not limited to) going out, cuddling, laughing, having serious convos, smashing (lol)---

But there are some people who would disagree. Being in a “relationship” includes (but is not limited to) deeper emotional involvement, exclusiveness, and a stronger possibility of a long-term commitment.


*Question*

Is it possible to have the BENEFITS of a relationship without being in one?

*5 Questions to consider*
How do you define, “relationship”?
How important is it that titles are established in dating/relationships?
Can you be committed to someone WITHOUT being in a relationship?
Would you get into a relationship that you KNOW isn’t going to last?
Can you be in a relationship without being in love?


Here's Where I Stand...

Before I even answer that question, I must say that a "relationship" (in my opinion) is something that should last forever. Sure relationships are all fun and games when we're younger, but as we get older, the game gets old. As such, I do not take the relationship title lightly.


I'd like to say that I believe it is very possible to have the same benefits of a relationship without being in one. I feel like one can happily live in the moment with the person that makes him/her happy. People should be able to date who they want and when they want, without signing their names on a dotted line. Dating dismisses one from the "obligations" that he/she would have in a relationship (calling everyday, being exclusive, etc). Don't get me wrong, I also believe that one can ALSO be exclusive when dating -- but it's not required. If one chooses to be exclusive for the time being -- so be it, but he/she should never get into a relationship that he/she didn't think would last.


Still...

It's something about the relationship title that makes everything seem more "secure." I feel a lot of people don't get into relationships because they don't want the unnecessary drama, but the same can be said for people in relationships. You get what I'm saying? I believe that being in a relationship could lead to less "trust issues," which is a level of trust that can not be achieved when people are just "dating."


Whatever -- I'm done talking lol. Where Do You Stand?


Top Reader Comments:

1. “I think real relationships begin when there is no title or commitment
2. “My mother always told me "who will take the whole cow when they can get the milk for free?"
3. “I think its the maturity of the people -- like think of people who never got married but live together for 30 years and are together
4. “WOMEN...they need to have a title....for the sake of having one and half the time don’t even know why they like who they are with”
5. “Well... I think its a different level of respect and companionship that comes with being in a relationship that u cant get from just dating”
6. “Dating to me is just convenient sex… what else really comes out of it”
7. “If there wasn’t a difference, why would there even be a such thing as relationships?”
8. “Yes it is possible for people to be in a relationship without falling in love just as if you’re in love when you’re not in a relationship. It depends on what the person is looking for.”
9. “I think people are too caught up not trying to have a title that they do not understand that they are in a relationship in many instances. Though I would hope that your relationship or whatever you want to call it has some monogamy, honesty, and conversation (especially if one of the parties chooses to sleep with someone else).”
10. “Hiding behind the dating front lets people enjoy the fun parts of the relationship without any serious work and commitment.”

Is it okay to pursue your friend's crush/ex?

*Situation*
The rule goes, “You CAN’T date your friend’s crush/ex.” Why? Because dating a friend’s crush/ex leads to jealousy, drama and the possibility of a lost friendship.

It may be easy for you, especially if you don’t like your friend’s crush/ex.
However, that’s not always the case: You meet your friend’s crush/ex and you two REALLY hit it off. The attraction is there, and so is the mental/emotional connection. Clearly, your friend’s crush/ex is into you and would like to see how far you two could go.

*Question*

Is it okay to pursue your friend's crush/ex?

Here's where I stand:

This is a tricky question because friendships are very important and no one should come in between them. At first thought, I would say the answer is "no". Regardless of whether I was feeling/still feeling the person or not, I know that I would be highly upset if one of my friends did it to me, so I know I wouldn't do it to them.

Still:

I think that there is an exception to the rule (don't judge me lol) --- I feel that if you are truly feeling someone (for a reason separate from physical attraction), then you should pursue it. I'm speaking on a more serious context in this case. If you LOVE someone, why can't you pursue them? Do you miss out on the chance to be with the "possible" love of your life because you don't want to hurt your friend's feelings?

Again, it's a touchy subject, but I think that this goes on a case-by-case scenario. Your thoughts?

Top Reader comments:

1) "When it comes to matters of the heart, that is not much than can be controlled. However, when it comes to matters of the mind you are your own captain."

2) "It depends on how you met the person. If you and your friend meet them together, and she's feeling you more, you should pursue it."

3) "You have to ask yourself what type of friend you are to that person. I mean if it's a best friend vs just a friend, it makes a difference."

4) "I wouldn't be happy with it, but if my ex and my friend came up to me and were honest about their feelings, I would respect it. I'm really big on honesty."

5) "My friend's feelings are 90% of my decision, and my character is 10% of the decision. I wouldn't do it -- it's just who I am."

6) "You just have to ask yourself is it truly worth risking a friendship over? If the answer is yes, then by all means go for it, but be fully aware of the consequences of your actions."

7) " It may not have worked out between the original two players but they have enough love for one another that they truly wish happiness for each other - even if that is with a friend."

8) " If you care about your friend you should let them know what the situation is and how you are feeling about that person."

9) "Love is love..regardless of how it comes about...we have no control over who we are attracted to or not...I mostly comes down to the morals and relationships you have with those you consider your friends...AND the maturity level of people."

10) "I'd try to avoid the situation at all costs."

11) "If it's your friend's ex -- they're off limits, if it's just a crush, then it's fair game."

Here's Where I Stand...Still

*Where do you stand on certain situations? Be careful, your next decision may be one of the most important ones you ever make!*

Welcome :)

What's good everybody? Welcome to my blog! Yea -- I know, it's still in the beginning stages, but just hold tight for a while -- in a few weeks it should really take off. To get things started, I wanted to provide some background about the blog.

Reason behind the blog:

I decided to create this blog to express my thoughts (as well as others') about everyday situations we may face in relationships, work, personal lives, etc. I want to expose people to situations that may/may not be a part of their own personal lives, but may effect the lives of family, friends, associates or whomever surrounds them. I want people to ask themselves, "If this happens to me, where would I stand?"

Often, we're at points where we have no idea what to do, so we seek advice from others in hopes of being pointed in the "right" direction. While there's nothing wrong with that -- it is very important that we THINK about every decision before we make it. Very seldom are there replays in life's situations -- so whatever decisions we make, we need to stand by it.

The end-goal:

I hope to create an open forum for readers to provide their insights and/or experiences on certain situations.

Here's Where I Stand...Still....

You like the title? Yea -- it's tight, right? LOL

To me, the phrase, "Here's where I stand...still..." can mean two things:

1) This is where I strongly stand on the situation, and there is nothing that can be said or done to make me change my mind.

2) This is where I stand on the situation, but there still may be another solution/option/opinion that I have not yet considered.

As such, each blog entry will present two sides: "Here's Where I Stand," will present my point of view, and "Still," will feature others'.

So this is how it goes:

• Early in the day, I will post a question on various social networks, asking for thoughts and opinions
• Later on in the day, when I write my blog, I will include comments and quotes from readers to offer a myriad of opinions.
• I will only post if I feel the need to. Either I will have a situation I'd like to discuss, or someone will bring up a topic for discussion.

Anywayz, thanks for coming through! While you're here, checkout the page (for what it is lol)

• To the left, I have links to a few blogs of a few associates and "another useless fact," that will change every time you click on the page.
• The bottom of the page has a few headlines from CNN and a brief "glance" into my life. LOL -- some of you may find yourselves in these pictures so be sure to keep an eye out.

And that's where I stand! Stay tuned for the first post!
~T.H.

Technorati Profile

Another year...

Pic Caption: What's left after my co-workers "surprised" me with a cake and card. I actually didn't want to touch the cake. It looked rather nice.

Before I write my first official entry in HWISS, just let me say that I have turned 24 years old today.

YES!!! I am blessed to have lived, learned, laughed and loved for another year. Sure life seemed hard at times, but I was surrounded by family, my ACEs, fraternity and other positive people to help get me through.

I will be the FIRST to say that I did not get to where I am by myself. Someone along the road offered a smile or helpful advice to make my journey a bit more pleasant.

Okay --- so I'm 24 now, and I am still at a point in my life where I am examining the past and present to determine how it will effect my future. If you know me, you'd say to yourself, "Oh boy -- here he go again!" LOL --- But it's true. I have been at this point for a while and as long as I live, I will continue to reflect on my life in the past, the present and what I need to do to POSITIVELY effect my future. It ALWAYS starts with a plan.

So the common question of the day is --- "What are your plans for your bday/bday weekend?"
And the answer will be --- "To enjoy it!"

Here's where I stand...
I plan ANYTHING and EVERYTHING if necessary, but I've never planned anything around my bday. I guess it's because I rather enjoy it for the randomness of it all, than to be disappointed by something that doesn't go as planned.

I also feel that my birthday should be shared with people that I care about. I would rather be surrounded by a group of 5 real people, than 50 fake people. You feel me?

Still...
There is nothing wrong with throwing a party here and there, and in fact --- it MAY be done for the big 25 next year! *Mark your calendars*

Bottom line is --- birthdays should be enjoyed however the individual chooses to enjoy them. I spent most of the night working until the wee hours of the morning just to enjoy my day. Now since I have the rest of the day off --- I'm going to do whatever it takes to enjoy it!!! Nothing more, nothing less.

Aight -- my 10 minutes is up -- but that's where I stand!

Stay tuned for the official post!

Allow me to introduce myself!

What's good people?

So --- I've officially started the countdown to HWISS --- 20 days!

For those who happen to straggle in --- I'm T.H. and I've decided to provide you with a few lines about myself.

Here's where I stand...
Describing one's self is not an easy thing to do --- in fact --- individuals are so complex, that if someone truly took the time to describe who they are --- it'll take quite a bit of time. I wonder what people would say about themselves if they were only give 10 lines...

Still...
Let's see how much info I can give about myself in just 10 sentences (in no particular order):

1. I LOVE my family and ACEs (close friends).
2. I'm a virgo and I believe I possess a lot of the traits attributed to the sign.
3. I consider myself knowledgable on the subjects I'm passionate about.
4. I'm goofy and I love laughing.
5. I believe pictures AND music capture moments in time that can always be remembered.
6. I am really big on higher education and someday hope to earn a master's degree in higher education administration/counseling.
7. I currently work in public relations in NYC --- and have been for two years --- it's AIGHT!
8. I am a member of the BEST fraternity in the world: Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc!
9. I've always been a writer.
10. I'm Ambitious, Career-focused and Educated --- Attractive, Classy, Exclusive --- Always the Center of Excitement ---I'm definitely an A.C.E.!

So yea --- I tried --- I really did --- but there's so much to learn about T.H.
Be sure to stay tuned for the first post, 9/5/2008!!!--- And THAT's where I stand!