Handling the (sometimes brutal) truth in friendships/relationships

What's good HWISS? I wanted to come to you all this afternoon to discuss how I feel about the (sometimes brutal) truth in friendships/relationships.

Before I go on --- let me explain what I mean by “brutal truth.”

A brutal truth is something originally lied about/never revealed until after-the-fact. These truths ultimately affect relationships once they are revealed. Realistically speaking, the truth is not always sugar-coated candy raindrops – especially in friendships/relationships. I feel that most successful relationships involve situations in which a brutal truth was revealed and a person was forgiven ---- but it’s never usually that easy.

If you find out the truth about something that could ultimately affect your relationship--- how will you handle it?

Here’s Where I Stand…
How you learn about the truth makes all of the difference in the world. Understanding that the truth may not come as easy to others as it may to you (don’t act like you’re an angel) --- credit should be given to someone who tells you the truth about something he/she may have kept secret or originally lied about. After all, nobody OWES you an explanation for anything. Remember that. If someone tells you anything, respect that they wished to tell you at all.

Please note that I am not saying that you should not be upset when you find out the (sometimes brutal) truth about something. You have a RIGHT to be upset --- especially if it’s something that can ultimately affect your relationship! In fact, it may take a week or so for everything to register in your mind. You should, however, also be relieved that the truth is finally out.

When it’s all said and done --- you have to ask yourself: Is this friendship/relationship worth keeping? If there is any doubt in your mind, then the answer is “NO.”
Do not FORCE yourself to be a friend/bf/gf to someone that you cannot trust because you will be doing yourself and that person a disservice.

If you want a friendship/relationship to work, then you have to explain to the other person that although you are upset with the situation, you respect his/her honesty. Get all of your feelings out on the table, because after this --- the conversation should never be brought up again. Do not use the situation as a weapon to throw in someone’s face every time an argument starts up or a similar circumstance seems to be appearing. If you want a friendship/relationship to work, you should trust that the same mistake will not be made twice. In the event that it does happen again -- go to the previous paragraph.


Still…
How you learn about the truth makes all of the difference in the world (lol). If you find out the truth from someone other than the parties involved --- then you have to ask yourself whether you can trust your “friend” or “bf/gf,” to EVER be honest with you.

And honestly – if you ever have to ask yourself that question – then the situation is handled right there. You either need to leave that friendship/relationship alone or make some changes to how you interact with him/her.

When in doubt – it’s always better to ask than to assume and you should trust the person naturally. But if you continue to hear different things, or your gut is telling you something otherwise, then you need to get down to the bottom of things. F*ck the he-say/she-say: bring all parties involved together and let the truth come out. Trust me --- it can’t get any better than that!

Whether you decide to keep a friendship/relationship or not, you ultimately have to re-examine yourself as a person and determine whether you can hold true to YOUR decision. Can you handle it?

Where do YOU stand ‘On the Corner?’

The importance of independence in relationships

What's good HWISS?

I wanted to come to you all this moring to discuss how I feel about independence in relationships. While there are some areas in which one has to be dependent on the other, it should not always be the case.

When we’re single, we’re used to doing some things on our own. Whether it’s buying our own food, clothes, or handling our own internal issues --- we are somewhat “independent.”

However, the moment we get involved in a relationship, we begin to get comfortable with knowing that SOMEONE is always there --- to do things for you when you “can’t”; to talk to when you have an issue and/or pick you up when you fall.

There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable, but we must also remember not to lose a sense of ourselves and keep some independence.

Here’s Where I Stand…
This topic reminds me of Usher’s song, “You Got It Bad,” -- because once we become dependent on someone, it seems as HE/SHE is the only person that can make us happy, make our problems go away, etc.

We should try to remember that at one time, we were able to stand on our own two feet --- and that a relationship should complement our independence, not take away from it.

There comes a time where we feel we may NEED someone to be there for us --- perhaps a death in the family, loss of a job, sickness. These are the times when we are most vulnerable – but these could also be the times when we are forced to be our strongest.

Still…
Let’s not get TOO ahead of ourselves where we feel that we don’t need ANYONE. If you feel that you don’t need anyone, you won’t have anyone. If someone wants to be there for you, do nice things, etc --- let them (and be glad that you have someone that wants to be there.) However, don’t get to the point where your happiness relies on the actions of someone other than yourself. Keep your OWN friends, do things YOU like to do, buy YOURSELF something every now and then. The goal is to have a balance between the two.

The lesson today is: There’s nothing wrong with “needing” someone, as long as you have the strength to stand on your own two feet in the event that someone can’t/won’t be there.

Where do YOU stand?

P.S. -- Coming to YouTube soon!!! Stay tuned!

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On the Corner: If you feel that he/she isn’t doing enough, maybe you are doing too much.

What's good everyone? Welcome to “On the Corner!”

I wanted to come to you all this evening to discuss a phrase that I hear often: “He/She’s not doing enough!”

Declines in phone calls, lack of timely responses to text messages, shortness in conversations --- these are just some of the reasons why someone may feel that his/her man/woman isn’t “doing enough.”

Some people feel that the attention they give/ the effort they put out to communicate to their loved ones should be equal. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.

Once the honeymoon period is over --- all of the little things that used to make you smile start to dwindle. That’s life --- but the moment you feel that he/she isn’t doing enough, you may be the one that’s doing too much.

Here’s Where I Stand…
In relationships, equal efforts should be made when it comes to communication/showing attention. I personally feel like relationships should be 50/50. I understand that most relationships are NOT 50/50, but it should be closest to that number as possible.

It sucks to be the person who feels that they make all of the effort to communicate or make things happen in a relationship, but there comes a time that people must realize that if they are not getting out what they are putting in, then they don’t need to put out that much.

If you feel like you are ALWAYS the one reaching out to someone, showing him/her attention, this—that—and the other--- maybe you need to reevaluate the effort that YOU put in. Maybe you need to lie off of the calls every two hours, or sending a text message every morning (like you used to), or making plans to do things that only YOU want to do. I’m not telling you to cut the person off -- just lie off of the EXTRA things you do. You get what I’m saying?

It’s hard not to seem spiteful when you do a thing like this, but people need to realize that it’s about making the relationship equal. Maybe once you fall back, you will become more appreciated…maybe not.

If you see that the relationship is not getting better, then you need to ask yourself why you are even with someone who doesn’t give you the attention you feel you deserve.

Still…
People change. With changes in people there are changes in relationships. In every relationship, there is a “honeymoon period.” This is the time in which people go the extra mile to impress the person they like, extra attention is given, special exceptions are made, etc.
The honeymoon period ends as soon as one person gets comfortable. If one’s heart is already won, what’s the point of going the extra mile?

Don’t assume the worst. I mean it could be ANY reason why someone doesn’t call as much, send text messages when you want a response, may now show enough attention. What reasons are those? I don’t know – ask them lol. Seriously though, it’s nothing wrong with bringing it to the attention of the person you’re dealing with. They may be doing the things that they do unconsciously.

Where do YOU stand ‘On the Corner?’