Would you be jealous if your man/woman went to the club with his/her single friends? Are you allowed to talk to your ex? Do you have to ask permission to go out? Are you calling him/her every night before you go to bed?
The reason why I come to you today is because I’ve found that there are several relationships that have “rules.” Some people believe that rules are necessary because they create the foundation of a honest relationship, but some may argue that rules are limiting boundaries and can be broken.
I honestly feel that EVERY relationship has some sort of rules. What’s important is that both parties UNDERSTAND what’s appropriate and what’s not.
With that said…
*Question*
“Is it necessary to establish rules in a relationship?”
*4 Questions to consider*
“Are rules a result of trust/insecurity/jealousy issues?”
“Does our past have something to do with rules set in relationships?”
“Can rules ultimately strengthen or weaken a relationship?”
“Is there a such thing such as “good” rules?”
“Is there a difference between rules and “common courtesy?” If so, how would you describe “common courtesy,” in a relationship?”
Here's Where I Stand @ www.hwiss.blogspot.com
Here’s Where I Stand…
I believe that rules in relationships are the result of trust/insecurity/jealousy issues, and here’s why:
If we have been hurt in the past, we try to find ways to avoid the same issue. Most rules are set in place to prevent a person from doing something that will increase their chances of “messing something up.” As such, a good example of a rule is “No more talking to exes.”
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why this is such a big issue – but what people fail to realize is that it is very possible to have exes that are good friends.
In fact, some best friends used to date at one time or another. Would this rule be necessary if it was known that the ex has no more interest in you as you do in him/her?
Is it worth losing a friend because your man/woman doesn’t approve?
I honestly think that rules can damage a relationship; especially those that limit a person’s freedom. For example, if John can’t go to the club with his boys because you know he’s going to dance with Tonya, LaCandi’ne and Jane – then he may find a way to do it ANYWAY!
Still…
The only “good rules,” are that of common courtesy. Every successful relationship has this notion of a common courtesy which leads to a mutual understanding of what should be done, and what shouldn’t be done. You SHOULD want to call your man/woman before you go to sleep each night, You SHOULD want to tell your man/woman that you are going out with your friends (instead of making something up because you’re afraid he/she will get mad). I’m rambling, so let me put it like this.
As long as “good rules” are set in place to increase the communication of a relationship, then rules are fine with me.
Where do you stand?
The Open Relationship
2 years ago
13 comments:
Even though I'm never tagged in these notes, I read them and I am going to respond this time. I don't think there should be rules; however, there should be a discussion between the male and female before they enter into a serious relationship. If we don't express our concerns early, they will become major problems later. The biggest mistake I see women make is too much compromise. We will put up with anything to have a man. We go to church and pray that he changes. You can't change anyone. Establishing rules are just ways to compromise. I'm not saying compromise is bad, but be careful what you accept. Common courtesy is difficult because we all come from different backgrounds. What I expect from a man comes from what I learned as a little girl watching my father take care of my mother. It is important to discuss what you expect from each other instead of assuming the other person already knows.
I believe every heathly relationship, even friendships, should have guidelines...not rules. Guildlines are subject to change but they give you something to follow. But in the field of dating, no one wants to feel like they are dating their parent with tons of rules and guidlines...don't od with it
i agree with krystle
I think guidelines are important in a relationship, not rules per se. If you have an understanding of what makes you uncomfortable, what you are okay with your sig. other doing with or without and vice versa, there shouldn't be any problems later. Not voicing your concerns or opinions about your sig. other's actions may just ... Read Morelead the relationship into doom. Honesty, open-mindedness, understanding and most importantly COMMUNICATION MUST be present in a relationship....If not, it's doomed from the start. One should be able to express oneself without oppressing his/her true feelings. =) just an opinion...
-Anita
Perhaps the use of the word "rules" is just another way of saying "a conversation about what our issues are". you will probably get differing responses based more so on gender than on any other variable, including race, economics, and education. i believe several conversations must take place before one enters into a relationship (dating or ... Read Moreotherwise). The first conversation must be one about compatibility, relationships with family (particularly opposite sex parents because they often serve as models for potential partners); morals and values, education, economic concerns, et cetera. If we are listening and attentively discerning during these conversations, we learn whether or not that person is worth our time (time is precious, its something that cant be reclaimed). In a very subtle way and not so subtle way, these conversations allow for self disclosure, vulnerability and a certain transparency that allows one to know what they should expect from the other.
I don't think that the rules should have to be said. I think that there should be an understanding of whats appropriate without anything having to be said. And if something is unclear and the person does it anyway then they shouldn't repeat that action if it is clearly bothering their significant other.
Yes it is necessary to establish "rules" in a relationship. I think people have a problem with the word rules because it connotes some feeling of one grown person telling another grown person what they can and cannot do. But in essence that's what that means --- AS LONG as you are in a relationship with said person. If you are in a relationship ... Read Morewith me then there are things that I will not rock with --- plain and simple. To me "rules" are concrete, serious lines that if crossed a relationship is more than likely to end --- such as cheating, abuse, stealing, or whatever is a definite NO-NO for you. Not to be mistaken for petty B.S. such as "don't interrupt me during my daytime television" or "don't wake me up before 9 am."
Also, "rules" should not 'rule' your significant other's life negatively. They should allow for that person to live their life normally, while at the same time being respectful to you and the relationship. Great thing about the human faculty is the ability to choose. If someone is oppressing you with their "rules," then chuck up the deuces and ride out.
Rules are defined as: Governing power or its possession or use; authority; The duration of such power
Its not that ppl are afraid to use the world rules, rules are all about power and control. Guidelines have flexiblity and are limitless. I agree with conversing before entering a relationship, it gives you a feel of what ppl dislike and like, and once in a relationship, you respect their likes and dislike. Relationships should have structure and a lot of things are done out of common couretsy and respect, not rules.
I rock with what you're saying. Good points indeed. From where I stand, "rules" mean if you do X, then there is consequence Y --- automatically. Guidelines, to me, are more on a case by case basis. I guess this is where personal preferences come into play. I'm all about "good rules", and not those that are oppressive. If it works for you and your significant other then keep it moving.
Is there really a difference between "good rules" and "bad rules"? Telling someone not to go to the club and dance with whoever can be seen as a bad rule, but to me that's just downright common courtesy. Some couples may need to establish rules, for those that may not know where to draw the line. What one may see as a harmless action, others might view as downright absurd. I agree with DeWhitney; you do have to operate on a case by case basis, to each his own I would suppose.
rules are made to be broken...
^exactly..they better just have a good understanding about somethings..no one follows the rules or laws lol..we'll always fuck up!
I don't know nothin about rules...forget rules...My momma always says
"If a man loves you...he'll come for you" So...on the basis of that...
He shouldn't be chasin no one's pussy except mine. No rules needed.
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