Readers Wanna Know: What do men REALLY want?

What's good everyone? Welcome to “Readers Wanna Know!”

In this series, I will comment on notes written from outside sources. Topics will and can be serious/funny/crazy azz hell. So yes, PLEASE email me your thoughts and ideas on situations/topics/videos/songs – whatever you’d like!

Topic: What do men REALLY want?

This entry's topic comes from T. Chilongo, a graduate student at Georgia State University.

Ms. Chilongo wrote an essay titled, “Minds of Men,” where she discusses how --- despite years of relationship experience --- women still can’t seem to understand what men want.

Before I let you know where I stand, I’ll let you read her note for yourself. After you finish reading, please answer the following question directly on the blog, this note/bulletin or through PM:

T. Chilongo writes:
Ok, so for those of yall who know me know that I love to write and that I use to be an avid blogger, so now after a hiatus, I'm back!!!!! The reason for this note is that after conversations with several of my wonderful girlfriends and my own life experiences, I have realized that I know very little bout relationships and even less about men, lol! After one of my best friends called to ask me for advice about a guy who she has been dating for a year and who doesnt want to committ nor does he know what he wants, I realized I had absolutely nothing to offer. I mean, personally, I am coming out of a 4 year relationship with a man who I thought was the one, but let's just say people grow up and grow apart, so now im back in this jungle thats known as the singles scene and I have absolutely no idea how this works.

After several convos wit the girls,I realize that none of us have any idea what we're doing, we're all in "situations" with guys that we care about and who supposedly care about us but are unwilling or incapable of commiting for various reason (i.e-ex hang ups, fear of commitment, or inability to be monogamous). So the question is what do we do as women? We are all beautiful, educated women with our stuff together who are looking for wonderful men who have something to offer and are not afraid to commit, but it seems as though men in their mid to late 20s arent looking for relationships; they want a woman/women at their disposal and are even willing to go above and beyond to make that woman feel special, but when feelings start coming into play all the sudden things get kind of complicated. They still want us to remain in their lives but yet they are unwillingly to give us what we want. So being soft, caring and females we tend to stick around and cater to their needs while at the same time we settle on our on needs.

So the purpose of this note is to get some male insight on what it is that guys want. So if you are a male, please leave any insight or advice that you have for us women who have no idea what goes through yalls mind lol. I look forward to reading y'alls advice!

Here’s Where I Stand…
It's so easy to generalize... "Women want," or "Men want," --- but people fail to realize that there will NEVER be a concensus on what we want. That's the problem. People are so caught up in these situations that they forget that everybody IS different, and that maybe a man/woman IS looking for a relationship -- but just wants to take it slow. I ... Read Moredon't think it's anything wrong with that.

Relationships are so overrated. The moment someone finds someone that they like; they're quick to jump in a relationship. --- Stop and take time; get to know someone. You can date someone for a YEAR and still not be in a relationship.

My point is: You will never know what MEN want --- but you may find out what I want, or another other guy who decides to post a response. We all want different things. People shouldn't let past experiences dictate how things are in general. So what if you dated 20 men and it all ended the same. There are millions more men out there that are totally different. Know that at OUR age (mid - late 20s); it IS important to take things slowly before rushing into a relationship --- and to be very patient if the other person can't come to terms with that title. It all starts with communication and understanding.

Where do YOU stand?

Is it any of your/his/her friends' business?

What’s good HWISS?

As part of my blog, I’d like to offer the opinions of other people. As such, please read the question carefully and feel free to share your honest thoughts/opinions.

Before you answer, please take note of the five additional questions to consider and feel free to pose your own. *Remember, there is no right/wrong answer!*

*Topic*
How many times have you spoke with a friend about a problem in a relationship and your friend says, "You know what? You just need to leave him/her alone!" --- and you did just that (and regretted it).

On the other hand, how many times has a friend saved you from making the biggest relationship mistake of your life? Just when you were ready to throw in the towel, you friend says, "Hey --- just give him/her another try." --- and you did just that (and were happy with your decision).

Many people ask their friends for advice to figure out their problems --- especially problems dealing with their relationships. While some may believe that their friends offer great advice; others may disagree as friends can also offer the "wrong advice."

Because friends have such an important role; sometimes their opinion matters more than yours --- and that could potentially be dangerous (or helpful) when it comes to YOUR relationship.

With that said...

*Question*
“Is it any of your/his/her friends' business to discuss the problems in YOUR relationship?

*5 Questions to consider*
“Do you know your man/woman's friends?"
"Do you LIKE your man/woman's? friends?"
"How often do you two have problems?"
"Do you talk to your friends about relationship problems?"
"Should friends be consulted on a case-by-case basis?"

Here's Where I Stand @ www.hwiss.blogspot.com

Here’s Where I Stand…
Involving friends in relationships could lead to several problems. You have to understand that most friends have your best interest in mind --- or at least they believe they do. As such, they will tell you anything to make you happy.

"You're too good for this," "Leave that boy/girl alone," "We going out tonight --- f*ck them!" ---

I'm sure you've heard it before, but you REALLY have to be careful that your friend just isn't trying to ruin your relationship. Some friends may "appear" to be happy for you, but in all reatlity, they may be a little jealous of you and/or your relationship.

Not being directly a part of your relationship can be harmful too --- because as you know, most relationship problems are one-sided. Not knowing the WHOLE story could cause a friend to tell you the wrong thing, and you don't really want that.

Also --- sometimes friends don't know what the HELL they are talking about! LOL


Still…
Sometimes you/your man/woman may need to talk to a friend. Aside from the SERIOUS issues such as abuse/cheating --- having someone on the outside weigh-in on a problem can expose one to a solution that was never thought of. Talking to a friend may be very well what's needed to save your relationship or save yourself. I think it is acceptable on a case-by-case basis.

Where do you stand?

Communication is the key; without it, all is lost.

What's good everyone? I was going to hit you all with a question for this post, but I decided to continue where I left off from the previous topic; Relationships are not ruined by their problems, but how their problems are handled.

You see this topic is a lot more in-depth than I thought, so I felt that it's necessary to break down one more time. What it all boils down to is this: Communication is the key; without it, all is lost.

Here’s Where I Stand…
After an argument, misunderstanding, or a blatant wrongdoing, it will take more than just an apology to make things better in a relationship: --- it will needs lots of communication. By communication, I'm mainly talking about speaking, but whatever method works best for both parties will suffice.

The longer it takes to discuss a problem, the worse matters COULD become.

Still...
Not everyone can communicate their feelings... but if that's the case, maybe they shouldn't be in a relationship until they can.

***Okay yall, I gotta be real lol*** - I really came to go IN on this topic, but I was sidetracked, and being sidetracked led to a trip to the mall, which led to a trip to NYC for the night. So yea,,, needless to say, my thoughts are gone right about now.

Oh well -- I'll catch yall Mid-May! Stay tuned for the next topic! Where will YOU stand?