True -- the attraction may be there -- but nowadays, it seems pretty common: People can be best/good friends of the opposite sex.
While some people have grown to accept it, there is still the belief that it is impossible for men and women to be good friends without crossing the barriers.
Believe it or not, it can cause more drama than you know.
For example:
If you’re not in a relationship:
People may assume that you and your best/good friend are together.
Ladies may think you are seeing too many women to take you serious; Men may think you’re a little too “friendly” with other guys to take you serious.
If you’re in a relationship:
Your bf/gf may not approve of the relationship you have with your best friend.
He/she may get extremely jealous of the relationship that you two have.
He/she may cause a rift between you and your best friend.
Bottom line – this is a situation that could possibly change a friendship/relationship forever. Where do you stand?
Question
“Can a relationship with a friend of the opposite sex be strictly platonic?”
5 Questions to consider
“What problems can rise in having a best/good friend of the opposite?”
“What benefits are there?
“Should those friendships cease when you/your bf/gf get into a relationship?”
“Do you trust yourself/your friend not to cross that border?”/“Do you trust your bf/gf or his/her friends?”
"Additional Question: "Considering other lifestyles, can the same be said for friendships of the same sex?"
Here's where I stand...
I think it's very possible to have a strictly platonic relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Sure problems can arise, but I think that there are many benefits. For one, if you need advice, your friend of the opposite sex can help you out in many ways. Socially, it's just cool to have a girl/guy to go out with sometime, whether it be dinner, movies, to the club, etc.
There's no reason why friendships should cease because your bf/gf doesn't approve. I've had to suffer the consequences of a situation because some girl's bf didn't approve -- and the relationship didn't even last.
Still...
Ultimately it comes down to "trust." If you can trust yourself and your friend not to cross that border, then you shouldn't have any problem. And if you're on the other side, if you can trust your bf/gf and their friends, then you shouldn't have any problem.
Where do you stand?
Readers Responses:
- “All of the things you stated in your examples have come true and even though it sucks, I would not forfeit our friendship”
- “Why would you even go there? A friend is a friend.”
- “I think it’s possible. But I also think that someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend might consider you a threat. That’s when the drama starts.”
- “Nope lol. It can be, but unless they whole-heartedly turn you off, you'll take it if they offered you a piece.”
- “Their sex should make no more of a difference than their race.”
- “As a lesbian, I think it’s the complete opposite. Girls would rather that I have a male best friend than a female. That’s just my take on it.”
- “Hell to the NO! If my "friend" has accomplished friendship with me plus he's there for me whenever i need him..etc.. then i should be looking at him and wondering why i'm not WITH him.”
- “I don't have any guy friends because I know how to cook, clean, listen, balance a check book, shut the hell up, support and pray..etc. any man with good sense is not trying to limit me to friendship.”
- “No the friendship should not cease because you get into a relationship w/ someone. However, depending on where life takes you sometimes it does.”
- “We put men in the friend category when sometimes the "friend" treats you better than your man.”
9 comments:
Great topic
I have a male best friend ... have been for 7 years now ... All of the things you stated in your examples have come true and even though it sucks, I would not forfeit our friendship
~ RoTev's #1 fan ~
RO-TEV!!! we talked about this! I've had a male best friend since elementary school. Everyone thought we were sleeping together. The only problems we had were when he disapproved of the guys I would date & vice versa. other than that we were brother & sista. the thought to cross that line never aroused b/c we knew it would jeopordize the genuity of our friendship..
Of course friendship w/ the opposite sex can be strictly platonic! I've always had a better relationship w/ guys than females. I do have to say every male best friend I've had, liked me at one point or the other, but honestly if that leap was taken the friendship would be ruined if it didn't work out.
There's plenty of problems that can rise in a relationship w/ a bf when you have a male best friend. The jealousy because you share an emotional bond with your best friend that your bf may never share with you, etc. No the friendship should not cease because you get into a relationship w/ someone. However, depending on where life takes you sometimes it does.
It's possible, I have been known to have quite a few female friends. It has caused a lot of questioning and sideways looks when I say somone is just my homegirl, but I say if you don't trust me then don't be with me. I personally dont keep the type of female around that would hate on my situation and try to break it up, and I wouldn't do it to them either. However, if I am involved with someone, they know to fall back at certain times (like late night calls/texts), or chillin with each other alone. Bottom line, trust who you're with, don't put them in the position where they have to cut their friends off for you, and don't talk details about ya man/woman to your friends or they may want a piece lol
As one who hangs with mostly, males I can say that I truly believe that opposite sex friendships can be strickly platonic! I have one friend in particular who I've known since high school and I can say that the idea of us being anything other than friends has never crossed my mind. We just have a friendship where we know not to cross the line with one another and where it's understood that we are nothing more than friends. I can say that our friendship has outlasted many of my relationships. I have never been one that's threatened when my man has friends of the opposite sex and I explain to the person that I am in a relationship with that I hangout with more men than women and if he has a problem with that, then perhaps I'm not the girl for them. I feel that this day in age ,more and more people are entering into opposite sex relationships and if you don't trust the person that you're with not to cheat on you with their friend, then you might want to re-evaluate your relationship. To interject a random tangent, with the world we're living in, who's to say that your man or woman, doesn't have more than a platonic relationship with their friend of the SAME sex? Hmmmm...
Their sex should make no more of a difference than their race.
i hope that i am my future husbands bestfriend. my mother has no bestfriends.. my father has no bestfriends.. and they have been married for 30 years. when they have an issue they tap the other one on the shoulder.. when they need space he plays golf.. and she gets a pedicure.
i don't need males friends because they are not necessary. God is my best male friend..there is no sexual tension, i can complain and he never gets tired... he is always there and i never get tired of him. i dont have any guys that i call on a daily basis. i tried that and it ended horribly.
The answer is yes, friendships of the opposite sex CAN be strictly platonic provided both parties keep it that way. I feel if you start to feel an attraction other than "they're cute" (cute like a baby) then you need to end the relationship because it can only get worse from there if you are in a relationship. If you are both single then do what you do...the interesting part is when one or both is in a relationship.
I feel if you were friends before we met..cool deal, but I should get to know her as well and vice versa. There is no need to add on new friendships, that get very close, other than acquaintances such as coworkers, etc. I trust until I have a reason not to. But when it gets to engagement/marriage - WE are each other's best friends.
P.S. - yes special attention should be paid to the probability of a homosexual romantic involvement...trust your gut feelings...mine are always right.
One of my best friends is a male. Our relationship is strictly platonic; however I don't believe everyone is capable of having a friendship with the opposite sex. A lot of women I know simply don't know how to differentiate between possible friend and potential lover. Therefore they end up ruining what could've been a great friendship by getting intimate with him prematurely.
My male friends are what brothers are to sisters and I wouldn't have it any other way and any man that I'm involved with needs to respect those relationships the same way they do the relationships I have wit my ladies. Once my man sees the dynamic of these friendships, he should feel confident that I would never cross that line.
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