Today’s topic comes from A. Warren, one of my top idea contributors.
She found a recent study which states, cheating is in a man’s genes.(Look it up, there are some stories out there). She doesn’t agree, but she wants to know where people stand on this issue. Do you agree that cheating is in a man’s genes? Everybody cheats -- so would it be the same for women?
Before I let you know where I stand, I’ll let you read the note for yourself:
She found a recent study which states, cheating is in a man’s genes.(Look it up, there are some stories out there). She doesn’t agree, but she wants to know where people stand on this issue. Do you agree that cheating is in a man’s genes? Everybody cheats -- so would it be the same for women?
Before I let you know where I stand, I’ll let you read the note for yourself:
A. Warren says:
“According to recent studies, it would appear that men cheat because it's...well, it's in their genes, as if men don't come up with enough excuses to be DOGS!!! When I received wind of this news I had to find out what other women, or men for that matter thought about the issue. So, feel free to leave your honest thoughts and opinions! And just to get the ball rollin, I'll be the first to offer my opinion!
I personally believe that EVERY man has some DOG in him! Yes they do! And some women, but mostly men. Now, it's up to you as to at you want to do with that DOG; you can A) Unleash it or B) Put the DOG to sleep! Most men just choose to unleash it! Please don't get me wrong; I am in no way, shape, or form sayin that ALL MEN ARE DOGS!!! I know that there are about 10 good ones out there SOMEWHERE!! The question at hand is, "is it in their genes or not?" NO!! Men cheat because they WANT to, or because they just refuse to maintain some self control and keep their little thang in their pants! Cheatin isn't something that you can't control it like tourettes or mental retardation. If we're goin to be so bold as to say that cheating is in their genes then so is LYING!! And as I stated before, women cheat JUST like men do, so can we do a study to prove that cheating is in womens' genes as well as men?!
That's my two cents and a couple of dollars as well! Please offer your pennies, nickles, dimes, or Andrew Jackson's for that matter! I'm quite eager to hear other's thoughts! Don't be shy!”
*Feel free to contact A. Warren directly at her MySpace page, linked at the top.
Here's Where I Stand...
Here's Where I Stand...
I find it funny how women say "MOST men this" or "MOST men that". Not saying that this is NOT true, but it's very easy to generalize something based on a few personal experiences.
Statistics always have a margin of error --- It's a possibility that most men interviewed in the survey have cheated before, but there could have ALSO been the possibility that the majority of men interviewed did NOT cheat before. Results will ALWAYS vary.
On the topic, I agree with you -- cheating, just like being honest or lying, is a decision that everyone has to make. Saying that cheating is in the genes, is like saying stealing, fighting or grocery shopping is in the genes lol. It's pretty simple -- You can't fight your feelings, but you CAN fight your actions. By that -- the desire to cheat is one thing, but the actual action is totally a decision that someone has made.
Still...
The proof is right there in the pudding (and other studies). Maybe it's true that our genetic makeup contributes to the weakness of our self control.
Where do you stand?
Readers Responses
- “Sometimes it seems as if it got a mind of its own ”
- “Well I like to hope that cheating is not in a man's DNA. However, it is hard for me to think like that at times when almost every relationship I have been in has ended up with the same conclusion. Me being extremely loyal and faithful and the man doing whatever he likes.”
- “I wish men would stop saying that to give them clearance to cheat and women need to stop saying it to excuse the men who cheat. God gave man free will. Cheating is a choice that some make.”
- “I believe all women and men have those thoughts of cheating. Some act on them, some don't depending on the type of person they are."
- “I remember reading that men are more liable to cheat simply because their ultimate goal is to spread their seed.”
- “Science suggests it may be inherited in a male as a result of some primordial instinct but men can be rational human beings. It’s as simple as controlling an urge. Sure, a married woman can look at a man and think "Oh, he's gorgeous" but has sense enough to control her feelings. The same can be applied to a man. There is no excuse. Adults know better.”
- “It runs in my family!!! Lmao”
- “There are cultural factors that should be taken into consideration when having this discussion. The standards our society holds for men need to be higher; maybe then the behavior will change.”
- “It’s just a matter of how you were raised or influenced. Some men were encouraged to cheat as they were growing up and some have different reason but it’s not part of genes, but more of are environment.”
- “It starts and ends with a personal choice. A spin on it - also nobody can force you into cheating. No matter what another person does, if you can't handle it LEAVE don't cheat
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9 comments:
Well I like to hope that cheating is not in a man's DNA. However, it is hard for me to think like that at times when almost every relationship I have been in has ended up with the same conclusion. Me being extremely loyal and faithful and the man doing whatever he likes. In my last relationship I was sure that I had met the man for me. It ended up that he had been cheating on me since day 1 and developed a complex that led him to believe I was the one cheating. Most people say that when a person is cheating they become the paranoid one. Even though I have been done wrong in the past, I know that there are good men still out there. My father and Brothers for instance. They all give me hope for the future. My current boyfriend seems to be one of th good ones that are left. Hopefully I can prove that nice men and women DON'T always finish last!
Cheating is NOT in our genes - that's bullsh*t Illado! I wish men would stop saying that to give them clearance to cheat and women need to stop saying it to excuse the men who cheat. God gave man free will. Cheating is a choice that some make. I am tired of the lies and propaganda to try to make this ok. Where did this question come from? Was it this month's "Essence"? There is a multipage spread on the subject of fidelity/infidelity. I read the commentary and the accompanying results of a survey conducted - a few things I read definitely pushed a couple of my buttons.
Don't get me started!! Grrr. . .
I don't believe cheating is in a man's genes. I believe all women and men have those thoughts of cheating. Some act on them, some don't depending on the type of person they are. It's strictly a choice. And cheating to some people, doesn't phase them if they hurt the person one bit. Anywho, I could go on and on. But that's my two cents :)
I don't think cheating is in any person's genes but selfishness is. Humans, mostly males, all fear and want to do one thing. They fear of disappearing and never leaving anything to be remembered about them. This selfish fear leads to the selfish feeling of need to spread their legacy to as many places as possible, thus giving the urge to passing on their genes and DNA as an organism. This selfish act lets them satisfy and sort of guarantee they have left something to be remembered in the future. I remember reading that men are more liable to cheat simply because their ultimate goal is to spread their seed. I maybe ranting now but who knows.
Science suggests it may be inherit in a male as a result of some primordial instinct but men can be rational human beings. Its as simple as controlling an urge. Things that are frowned upon by society, such as the inconsiderate and loose behavior of copulating with multiple partners is within one's power to control. I think science has a way of excusing things that generally have no excuse to ease people's minds. For example, a violent teenager trying to blame his violence on a video game. By the time he's a teenager, he knows the difference between right and wrong. He knows that if he chooses to hurt someone, it was his own decision. No one or nothing MADE him do it. And then of course you get those psychologists who attribute his behavior to the game, inadvertently excusing it.
Sure, a married woman can look at a man and think "Oh, he's gorgeous" but has sense enough to control her feelings. The same can be applied to a man. There is no excuse. Adults know better.
There are cultural factors that should be taken into consideration when having this discussion. I don't think there is such a thing as an unfaithful gene. Our culture has made it plain and clear that women are to be virgin marys to land them a man while men are praised for sowing their out of control oats. Mostly the women that these cheating men have betrayed have held them responsible for their unfaithful actions while society gives them clearance. When the more women u spill your seed in is the criteria that makes a man a "pimp" (which is a positive thing), how else do we expect them to behave? The standards our society hold for men need to be higher; maybe then the behavior will change.
**Very abbreviated response, all my own personal opinion/experience**
None of this stuff behavior-wise is in a person's DNA. If so, you wouldn't have to learn how to talk, walk, write, etc. This is a sociological/psychological issue. Behavior is chosen and either negatively or positively reinforced, and makes future choices easier or harder. For instance: A woman cheats, most often she is called out of her name, negative reinforcement. Does she stop cheating? Not if she doesn't want to, she just might learn how to hide it better next time. A man cheats, most often is seen as a playa, pimp, good status, positive reinforcement. Does he stop? Not if he doesn't want to, why if he gets praised for it? And especially not if ole girl puts up with it.
It starts and ends with a personal choice. A spin on it - also nobody can force you into cheating. No matter what another person does, if you can't handle it LEAVE don't cheat...hmm...
it is natural for people to want more.. more more.. monogamy is NOT natural. it is taught and like most lessons it takes a while to understand the point.
by the time a man is 14 he has learned that if sarah kisses him in front of jane.. jane will want to kiss.. jane will tell tyra, and so on and so forth. and they all seem to "get along". so why are we suprised that at age 26 or 36 it's any different.
if women around the world would say NO I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE A WOMAN AT HOME.. then cheating would not exist. if men around the world would say NO I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP.. then cheating would not exist.. the same for my lesbian and gay comrades.
as women.. our mothers teach us to lie.. get your own money .. keep a seperate account. wear a push up bra.. get your girdle.. lol should we really bad mad at men for leaving us because we aren't the woman we pretended to be.
sorry, i am on some other stuff right now.. and i'm mad at myself for wasting so much time with LAMES trying to make them into something they weren't trying to be and getting mad when they cheated.
i also agree with lamonica.. if you are unhappy.. LEAVE instead of cheating.
chating is not in our genes because how answer for those that dont or woman that do as well, people are attract to people its just mater of how you were raised or influnece. some men were in coureage to do so as they were grown up and some have different reaon but its not part of gense but more of are enviroment.
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