*Topic*
People stay in relationships for many reasons: love/family (ideal reasons), money, a place to live and (to no surprise) sex.
Although it’s possible to have a relationship without sex, people in relationships seem to have a better connection when sex is involved…especially if it’s good. In fact, sometimes the sex so good, it's the only thing that seems to hold some relationships together.
You’ve probably heard it before (or experienced it yourself): “I don’t want to leave ____ because the sex is sooooooo good!”
Not saying that the topic in question is wrong -- but is it necessarily right?
*Question*
“Is (good) sex enough of a reason to stay in a relationship?”
*5 Questions to consider*
“Would it still be a “relationship” it was just based on sex?”
“What could be some of the emotional consequences (if any)?”
“What could be some of the emotional benefits (if any)?”
“If so, would you ever let your bf/gf know that their sex is the only reason why you’re around?”
“Can you not find good sex somewhere else?”
Here's Where I Stand...
Relationships should encompass more than just sex. If one person is "staying" with someone just based on sex -- then that's exactly what it is: sex with someone you know (not a relationship).
Some people are naive to the idea that their bf/gf is with them only because of sex, but others are smart enough to figure it out and find love elsewhere. Depending on one's personal experiences, good sex could be easy/hard to find -- but it's definitely possible to find it elsewhere -- especially if the relationship is emotionally draining.
Still...
I think that it all depends on what someone is looking for when they are in a relationship. If the only reason he/she is in a relationship because they want someone to be exclusively sexually involved with, then I'd say "It's all good." I would HOPE, however, that the other person involved feels the same way.
Where do you stand?
Readers Responses:
- As far as emotional consequences, I think depending on the length of the sex relationship would determine the emotional consequences IF ANY...as far as benefits, some women look at it as them feeling wanted...which may be where the catching feelings part comes in, and that physical satisfaction begins to confuse emotions...
- I've told so many females they're dumb for staying with a dude that they're going through so many problems with, just because they feel they won't find sex as good as his if they leave. So, they stay and complain about this and that and say oh, but the sex is good. I'll never agree to them staying, I've never agreed to a female staying with me or vice versa for that reason. Does/has it happened? Of course lol. But, it's basically a temporary situation until it dies out.
- Sex can help a relationship evolve from just friends, something casual, or if it's a new relationship. But, I don't think it can help sustain one. It'll keep you around for a while, be it a short or long while, but ultimately someone will leave after feeling like they "need more".
- Sex will never take the place of love and the connection your heart has with a person who truly cares about you for you. Not how far you can arch your back on the reverse cowgirl or the fact that you can actually swing from the ceiling fan without breaking it can keep a connection going but who will be that flexible in the yrs to come??
- I've seen sex keep ppl together from days to actually years, but it's really a damn shame when asked what are some of the best memories together and a person can give you a periodic table of sex positions but they can't give you at least one time he or she cooked dinner, treated their partner to a movie, met their partners family or just spent quality time together.
- It all comes down to a real relationship with some nice ASSets that can last a lifetime, but if you make that ASSet the most important thing in a relationship, prepare to land on your ASS one day. ...that is all....
- No, No, and NO. I disagree with you... A relationship CAN NOT be sustained without a pleasurable sex life (sex is quite important), but in the same light, great sex CAN NOT sustain a failing relationship.
- Staying in a relationship solely for sexual reasons is abusive to the soul... thats a clear emotional rollercoaster... 95% of the time you'll be unhappy... 5% of the time in euphoric bliss.
- I'm pretty much a firm believer that staying in a relationship for ANY reason other than just wanting to be with that person (ultimately LOVE) is bound to result in negativity.
- Overall, if you have a strong emotional attachment to a person, you can make the sex good. You can teach your partner what you like to make it better and it'll be GREAT because you already have that emotional connection. But you cannot teach your sex partner to be a great partner emotionally because that can't be taught.
15 comments:
I am the first to comment? :) Thats wassup! Ummm I will definately say there are so many types of relationships. There are sexual relationships, convenience relationships, emotional relationships and the list can go on! It depends on what you want! Sex can keep a relationship going, and it can actually start a relationship. Sex is a powerful thing. That is exactly why the bible states that we should save this act for marriage. Its just that powerful that it makes people act crazy!!!
Lol...nah man, I dont see a relationship lasting based solely on that aspect...becuz once it's not an option, ie. that time of the month...the two ppl wont really have any use for each other...I've seen ppl try to connect on another level, but a lot of times that doesn't work
But, depending on where the two ppl are at in life, whether looking for a long term partner, or just "having fun," the relationship, or lack thereof, can in fact last a while...becuz a certain aspect is being satisfied which is the physical part...as far as emotionally, each person would most likely seek that in someone else...and once that emotional/intellectual connection is made somewhere else, I think the sex relationship would begin to fade...
As far as emotional consequences, I think depending on the length of the sex relationship would determine the emotional consequences IF ANY...as far as benefits, some women look at it as them feeling wanted...which may be where the catching feelings part comes in, and that physical satisfaction begins to confuse emotions...
And yes you can find all you are looking for in someone, but relationships are things that kinda stumble upon you, vs. you searching and finding that person...and they always happen when u least expect it...a person should never settle for less than they are looking for...a good/strong relationship are with two ppl that compliment each other the best, and bring the best out of each person...if you aren't with someone that is doing something for themselves or "on your level," then that will ultimately effect your progress and well-being somewhere down the line, and the relationship will most likely fail and/or end badly...
I think I've said enuff tho, I could go on and on...lol
Hope this helps Nupe! YO
I've told so many females they're dumb for staying with a dude that they're going through so many problems with, just because they feel they won't find sex as good as his if they leave. So, they stay and complain about this and that and say oh, but the sex is good. I'll never agree to them staying, I've never agreed to a female staying with me or vice versa for that reason. Does/has it happened? Of course lol. But, it's basically a temporary situation until it dies out. Sex can help a relationship evolve from just friends, something casual, or if it's a new relationship. But, I don't think it can help sustain one. It'll keep you around for a while, be it a short or long while, but ultimately someone will leave after feeling like they "need more". Also, this is not to be confused with friends with benefits. Which can be a safe and great situation to have, as long as BOTH parties know what time it is and don't try to cross the lines of the situation. (i.e. try to cuddle, get quality time, catch feelings, try to be better friends than you were before it started lol) Now, if it's a mutual evolution of feelings and emotions, congratulations, you have something else in common. If not, first one to like the other loses and kills the situation lol
No a real relationship can't last. Now a sexual relationship can flourish in this situation. I say real relationship because like it was said earlier, sex doesn't take the place of a real connection, such as communication, ideal feelings on beliefs and ambitions.Hell, keeping it real, I was so enamored with a man's 'good-good' at one point in my life, I didn't realize that he was only with me for my goodies. That time of the month came and he was never around to cuddle or give me pamprin to ease the pain. But I was the one at all his games, giving massages after b/c he was sore as hell. Sex is good, hell sex is great if you snag the right partner. But sex will never take the place of love and the connection your heart has with a person who truly cares about you for you. Not how far you can arch your back on the reverse cowgirl or the fact that you can actually swing from the ceiling fan without breaking it can keep a connection going but who will be that flexible in the yrs to come?? Now I've seen sex keep ppl together from days to actually years, but it's really a damn shame when asked what are some of the best memories together and a person can give you a periodic table of sex positions but they can't give you at least one time he or she cooked dinner, treated their partner to a movie, met their partners family or just spent quality time together. It's nothing to be ashamed of if both agree that we gone do the damn thang and keep it only at sex then by george, you've got the perfect pair of friends with benefits. But alas as the story goes, someone is bound to catch feelings, man or woman. It all comes down to a real relationship with some nice ASSets can last a lifetime, but if you make that ASSet the most important thing in a relationship, prepare to land on your ASS one day. ...that is all....
no, no, and NO. I disagree with you... A relationship CAN NOT be sustained without a pleasurable sex life (sex is quite important), but in the same light, great sex CAN NOT sustain a failing relationship.
I am a woman who believes she an have it ALL, whether it's schooling, business, or relationships. I feel like I can have mind-blowing sex and a fulfilling relationship.
I've had amazing, makes me cry, type sex with ppl I've never dated. Not because I couldn't, but because I didn't want to.
I've had horrible sex with people whom I loved and dated.
Over time, I've found the best relationships are a combination of the two... there's nothing like great sex with a guy/girl you love, someone who understands you emotionally, physically, mentally... That's my ideal relationship.
Staying in a relationship solely for sexual reasons is abusive to the soul... thats a clear emotional rollercoaster... 95% of the time you'll be unhappy... 5% of the time in euphoric bliss.
I don't like those odds.
Yeah thats what he's saying...a relationship BASED on sex...of course the ideal relationship would be a combo!!! Lol Wack sex w/a person is an immediate turnoff, love or no love...lol
Still stuck on...
"how far you can arch your back on the reverse cowgirl or the fact that you can actually swing from the ceiling fan without breaking it"
KITA! Lol...
lol I know what he's saying and what he's asking...
But this stuck out to me...
He said, "Although it’s possible to have a relationship without sex, people in relationships seem to have a “deeper connection” when sex is involved…"
To me, it's not possible to have a relationship w/o sex. The two go hand and hand; they're directly correlated. A good relationship doesn't make up for terrible sex and/or no sex AND great sex doesn't compensate for a bad relationship.
I hold the belief that sex is a major factor in relationships... so major that its quality can make or break the relationship.
I would leave a great relationship if the sex is bad...
I would leave a bad relationship if the sex is great...
Hahaha and by relationship... i meant any serious relationship or marriage...
I kind of made seem like I sleep with every boyfriend... lol whatevs
I guess I wanted to pose the opposite question:
If you were in a great relationship, thought they were "the one", and the sex was terrible... would you stay??
NOPE!!!
To Ro...Skee-Yo to my fave Nupe....you knew I was gonna respond to this one!!!! Thanks for the tag babe!!!
I'm pretty much a firm believer that staying in a relationship for ANY reason other than just wanting to be with that person (ultimately LOVE) is bound to result in negativity. Yea, I'm sure it can work, often temporarily, and I've seen it done...but the happiness factor is going to be pretty low if you're in a relationship for sex/money/stability. What's going to happen when you get older and you can't even have sex...what will you rely on then? Its only at that point that the emotional side of a relationship will be able to sustain you. Having the physical is temporary, emotional connections is what lasts.
A relationship based on sex, is just sex. You might as well just say we're in a "Sex situation" cause the relationship part is probably lacking. Sex is an addition to a relationship, not the basis. Sex cant help you understand your partners emotional needs, pay bills, have deep conversations, have fun together, etc. A relationship is WORK, sex is the easy part (unless ur partner is wack lol). Nothing in this life is easy, and if you think you gone have a relationship with someone that's based on sex, its going to be a rude awakening when people start catching feelings.
Overall, if you have a strong emotional attachment to a person, you can make the sex good. You can teach your partner what you like to make it better and it'll be GREAT because you already have that emotional connection. But you cannot teach your sex partner to be a great partner emotionally because that can't be taught.
Very well said! There's ur top reader's response Nupe!
never had sex so i wouldn't know but sooner or later its going to be boring and then what, can you get another bf/gf? and soon that will get tired to. so no its not a realtionship. but hey do what you gotta do
No.
Well, it depends. If sex is a major quality that keeps u happy...I guess. But there are circumstances. Like great sex with a violent person. That's not worth it.
Overall, I think good sex is easier to find than good love. So no.
Well my answer of course is no.
It cannot sustain but all to often women hold on to that as a reason. Usually for fear of being alone or because they feel they can't do any better or because they don't know what a real relationship is.
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